When We Were Young

Cait

I showered and changed, and crawled into bed feeling the normalcy return. She didn't immediately throw her arm over my chest so I lifted her arm and did it for her. Skylar smiled sweetly.

"What she's like?"

Her voice was quiet and raspy.

"Who?" I thought she meant Madeline but then I realized.

"Cait?"

She nodded, a sad smile ghosting her lips.

"She's smart. And funny. And she loves riding horses with her grandpa and dad," I gushed, running my fingertips up and down her arms. "She has my hair, brown curls, but has Madeline's eyes, light blue. She mothers me," I laughed. "She's always like, da did you eat? Da, you didn't put your plate in the sink? She has this way of rolling her eyes and pouting that just makes me laugh. I shouldn't, I know, but it's hard. She's a happy little girl."

"Was the divorce hard on her?"

I twisted my lips. "It's hard to say. In some ways, maybe down the road, we'll find out it was. But right now we try to keep her life as normal as possible. I pick her up for school every morning, and Madeline brings her home. She's a teacher so she gets off early. We have dinner, all of us, once a week. And then I have her Wednesday night, and Saturday and Sunday. I take her to Italy for a month each summer."

"You still have your grandfather's place?"

I nodded. "Cait loves it."

"So you live in London?"

"Yeah. But on the weekends we go to my dad's. He adores her and with my mum gone, he gets lonely. Plus sometimes I have to work on the weekends so I'd rather her be with him."

Skylar found my hand and pulled it to her mouth, kissing me softly. "I'm sorry about your marriage."

"It was my own fault."

She tried to move closer to me but I saw the struggle, so leaned in toward her.

"It's hard for me to believe that."

I sighed. "No, I wasn't a good husband," I admitted. "I made her doubt herself. I wasn't fair to her because I never moved on from you, and she knew it."

"You told her about us?"

I nodded and looked down at Skylar. Her eyes were pulled together.

"How could I not? You were such an important part of my life. We..." I started but stopped, and glanced down at her. "I don't think you want to hear about this."

"I do. I'm okay. I want to know everything." She was whispering as if she really wasn't sure if she wanted to hear. Her eyes were heavy but still intent.

"She came into the museum with her class and I had been asked to fill in for the education instructor only because I was at the University. I was expecting much older students," I said. "And in walks about fifteen eight year olds. I was in way over my head." Skylar laughed. "I muddled my way through and the kids were barely paying attention anyway. At the end, I apologized to Madeline and she said I could buy her a cup of tea to make up for it."

"To be honest, I didn't even realize she had actually asked me out until we met up and saw that she was all dressed up. I looked like a complete fool. We talked for a while and then I," I said with a shrug. "I asked her to dinner. Then, we just started seeing each other. I don't know... it just filled the time. I know that sounds horrible but I was doing nothing else. Just work."

"Is she nice?"

I nodded. "She was. I mean, she is. Well, maybe I do mean she was. She still doesn't like me very much now. She's nice to me only because of Cait. And I can't blame her. We're civil."

"What could have happened? Obviously the divorce."

"In her mind, I cheated on her with you. She wasn't you and I punished her for it. I knew it was a mistake before we married but it doesn't matter. She had teacher parent meetings one night and she had come home fairly late. We had just moved into our new flat and I was putting away my things, going through boxes," I continued and glanced at Skylar. She was biting her lip. "I had a few beers and was probably wallowing a bit. And then I found the box of all the photos I had taken of you."

"Oh, no."

"Yeah, it was a bit too much. And I broke down, and Madeline came home. She started screaming at me that she couldn't believe I was still holding onto you and she tried to grab the box from me and I screamed back at her that I still loved you. It was horrible. The look on her face when I told her that I would never get over you and that...and that she didn't even compare."

"Oh, Albert."

"It's crappy. I was a bastard to her and I can't believe she didn't throw me out right there. But she's a fixer. She's like my mum," I said, and shook my head. "People always say you marry your mum, right? Well, I did. The next day she said that she understood that she was not you but that she could make me happy. I should have been the one apologizing but there she was, assuring me that she could make me happy."

"It worked for a while. A month or two, but I know that night affected her and then she told me she was pregnant. I was going to leave her and let her find someone that could love her as much as she deserved. But I couldn't. It wasn't easy after that. She was angry with me all the time. Well, not when Cait was around. When I finally told her I wanted a divorce, she wasn't surprised at all. I moved out that night."

"And she fought for custody?"

I nodded. "Of course. She tried to say that I couldn't take care of Cait on my own, especially when I was caring for my mother. I don't know what she was thinking—half of my family are lawyers. There wasn't much of a fight when she was presented with the agreement. We have shared custody and that will never change."

"Does Cait know about me?"

"She knows that I have a very special friend back where I used to live. And she knows I'm here with you now. She told me that she hopes you feel better."

Skylar smiled. "She sounds like a sweet little girl."

"She is," I said, and wanted to add that I hope she could meet Cait one day. But I knew that would never happen.