MEDIANOCHE/ SPAM BOOK

RANT 1: SOCIAL ATTATCHMENT

This week at my school is the last week of the trimester, so I'm switching up classes NEXT WEEK WITH NEW TEACHERS.

CHIRREN-

I CANNOT HANDLE THIS LIKE-

I have a HUGE problem with getting to know someone and eventually becoming friends, (maybe saying things that i want to believe but deep down i won't) and then like getting SUPER emotionally attatched and all that so...

THOSE TEACHERS ARE THE BEST AND I DON'T WANT THEM TO LEAVE-

that also happens with my friends.

with all the friends i've had, and it proably will happen with the ones i have now. i've heard "WE'RE goNNa bE beST fRiENDS UNTIL wE dieEE-" countless times.

now i'm just like...

lollllll NOOOOOO-

and sometimes i'll catch MYSELF saying that, but then there's always a small feeling of regret for saying that because i know it's not gonna happen.

like, in 5 years time it's not going to matter who was your friend and who isn't. unless it was a learning experience and you grew from it, you'll move on with life and it won't matter anymore.

that's why the IRL friends i have are very few. I guess i'm not at the stage where I can fully trust people with myself.

but even with the ones that have lasted for a while, I can't trust them fully.

i'm scared.

scared of being let down. scared of having to go through the whole "moving on" thing again. scared of revealing myself and all that is in my heart with people that will forget about me later. scared of being the one chosen over a life-long dream that someone has had. scared of hurting other people with broken promises, because no one deserves that.

and yet, i still want the joy and the love of a bosom friend. a true friend i can see every day. the only Person that fits into that description is Jesus Himself.

that's why in my family, we only have each other to confide in and Jesus in the center of it all.

okay that's all. bye.