Anomaly

What Would Change?

If I was actually happy
If I actually picked up the blade
If there didn't go by one day, where inexistence didn't seem like a great way
What would change?
Where would I go?

Will the world be any different?
Will the colours look brighter?
The sun burn my eyes more?
Will there be music?
Will I not want to curl in a ball anymore?

I often dream of a place, where life isn't this hard, this monotonous.
Where friends stay and adversity frays
For I feel like an unfinished novel.
At the edge of greatness but also at the edge of obsolescence and obliteration.

So if I just lie down, to never wake up
What would change?