Brownies Kiss 《MewxGulf》

✏ Burning Feelings

Mew's POV

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I went back right after eating breakfast, the moment I stepped into my place I fell down, my heart was beating so much in my chest, my head was a mess, I felt my fever was rising and all the feelings I kept suppressing while acting normally are going to explode, I was so shocked and embarrassed that I started trembling.

Just what the hell did I do to Gulf yesterday and the other time too?!! My brain was sending me all the forgotten memories to the front of my brain, that's right, I somehow remember everything this time, not just about yesterday but also everything I said last time, not only I told him to be my boyfriend but also gave him a ring to make him my fiancé and kept blabbering about our marriage.

I even blurted it out in front that stalker, the news will surely will be spread on the internet and even the news, I don't care what others thinks but this will cause a huge problem to Gulf both at work and outside and with his parents, not just that... how am I supposed to act in front of him again?! I actually... I KISSED HIM, not once, not twice but many times and even left a hickey!!!

Now I understand why he kept telling me it's better that I don't remember but today's medicine and shower helped me recall everything slowly, I even thought of leaving at one point but when I saw Gulf looking frightened and anxious I lied to him and he looked relieved when I said that, he must be afraid that he will lose me as a friend because of what happened during my drunken state, he even lied about the hickey and acted normally.

I'm so stupid, I must stop drinking or next time I may do smth more... even now I still can hear myself confessing to him and complementing him, brushing his hair... his lips, his cheeks, his neck, his smell, I even kept hugging him to sleep, Gulf is really amazing, he even didn't blame me for anything knowing that it all happened because I was drunk, some other man would have kicked me out and cut al contacts with me... well except for that perverted stalker

There is one thing I don't understand from all this, why am I feelings embarrassed and bashful instead of feeling disgusted? I did kiss a man and held him so many times, I should be feeling bad about this, yet no, I'm only blushing and my heart keeps pounding loudly.

"it can't be" to be honest I felt like this once before, it was during the time I was dating Kanya, usually I'm so calm and nonchalant and rarely I get shy, only once I felt like this, it was during our high school graduation party, she put on her best dress and wore her make up so beautifully that made me be surprised by her back then and ended up feeling awkward but never again felt like that.

Now I'm having hard time calming myself because of Gulf, leaving the matter that he is a man, it's not like he is super handsome or beautiful or whatever it is... or is he? Wait, if I have to compare him to other men I know, he is very attractive and good-looking, his captivating smile always makes me more cheerful, he is very kind, friendly and forgiving obviously, responsible and trustworthy... he is perfect

"aaaahhhhh" I ruffled my hair in irritation, I wasn't supposed to think of him like that! Gulf is just my friend, Gulf is just my friend... I kept repeating that while heading to my room, suddenly I heard a voice from deep inside me

'he is NOT just a friend' I gulped sitting on my bed, maybe I got affected by what happened yesterday, why did I act like that in the first place? I got drunk many times with P' Atid and my other friends mumbling stupid incomprehensible things or passing out quickly but never behaved like that, is it because I... nononono! Impossible, Gulf is a man and I used to date a girl, there is no way I have- the words that I tried to convince myself with got stuck and refuses to reach my heart, I'm going crazy.