Letters to Audrine

15- Show Time

"Mom is being so unfair," I tell my dad the next day.

"She's pretty upset with you too," he does what he does best-- playing the middle ground.

"All I did was say that all of the goals that I have in life are hers. That's the truth, it's not my fault that she doesn't want to hear it," I defend myself. "She has never asked me what I want in life, she just assumed that I'd want the same things as her."

"We both think that it's a good idea for you to come home," he breaks the news to me. "No matter who's right or wrong, this is a conversation that needs to happen in person."

"No," I stay firm. It makes my knees go weak to tell my father no in such a straightforward fashion with no room for negotiation. "I like it here, it's helping me think clearly."

"It sounds like it's distancing you from us," he accuses me. "You shouldn't talk to your mother like you did, and you know that."

"You weren't there, Dad," I groan at him. "She's being absolutely unreasonable. How can she not admit that she has been making all of my decisions for me? How can you not accept that? I'm not saying that I don't agree with those decisions, but my opinion was never taken into consideration."

"I don't think that's true. We listen to what you want all of the time. We got you your paint studio, your trip to France," my dad stops talking when he runs out of things to use as an example, because these are the only two things they've ever given me because I expressed my desire for it.

"She decided that I'd go to Brown, what my major is, and she decided that I'll start at Henlock after graduation. She decided it before I was even conceived. How could I have had any part of making a decision that was made before I was even born?"

"We just want what's best for you, Maisie," he assures me in his soft, understanding voice. That's how he gets you, with that gentle voice that makes anybody feel safe and heard. I do feel heard, even though I know that my mom will steamroll any progress I might make with him.

"I know that," I say honestly. "But it doesn't make anything that I've said wrong."

"Just come home," he returns to that topic. "There is a flight tomorrow at five, do you think that you could make that one?"

"No," I say again. "I'm not coming home, I already said that. I'm here using my own money, I'm eighteen years old, you can't make me come home. I deserve this time by myself to make decisions on my own. After my entire life of being told what to do every second of every day, I think that I deserve one single summer to be my own person."

"I just feel like you being gone is going to widen this divide that's growing between you and your mom," he expresses his concern to me.

"I need this, Dad," I insist. "Maybe it's not good for Mom, but it's good for me. Now that I've been gone, I'm starting to realize that I barely even know who I am anymore because I've been trying so hard to be the person that you both want me to be. But I deserve to be my own person."

"I know that you're your own person," he assures me. "It's just that we put so much time and effort into helping you get to where you are right now. If this isn't what you wanted, you should have told us sooner."

"I don't know if this is what I want or not. I've never let myself think about it before," I tell him. "And I'm really grateful for everything that both of you have done for me."

"I'm glad that you're having a good time over there. We miss you over here. I will try to talk to your mother," it seems like he's starting to see my side, or maybe he's realizing that I really won't back down. For once in my life, I'm going to out-stubborn my parents.