Total Darkness

overwhelmed

Today was the day we have all been waiting for but dreading all at the same time. None of us wanted to see it happen but it was time to say our good byes. School was canceled today, so that the students and their families could be at the funeral.

Riley's funeral. I didn't sleep much last night so I know I look like hell already. I stand in front of my bathroom mirror and I take in the image of my face. The bags under my eyes darker than they have been as of recent.

I take out my makeup bag and make an attempt to cover them up as best as I can and run my brush through my hair. I hear my father moving around in his room as he gets ready as well. He took the day off to be with me and even though I told him he didn't have to, I'm really glad he did.

The drive to the funeral home feels like hours but is 10 minutes at most. I wasn't ready for this at all. Then again who is ever ready to watch someone bury their family member? Your life long best friend at that.

My dad and I step out of our car and walk arm in arm up to the building. My body starts to tremble as we walk through the doors to the room full of heart broken people. Each looking more sad than the last. My eyes scan the room and fall on someone I hadn't even thought about since the day I found Riley. Her grandmother, she sat in a chair beside a woman I hadn't seen before.

A family member I assumed. I walked with my dad scanning the room another time I see Myles at the back of the room with his parents. Our eyes meet briefly and I give him a saddened smile. Todays not a day of anger so I let things go, just for today at least.

The only person I don't see is Derick. I wonder to myself where he could be. I had been so wrapped up in my own head today that I hadn't even texted him this morning. I turn my eyes to the front of the room in the direction my father and I were headed.

In front of me is her coffin. It was a beautiful cherry colored wood polished and shiny. Its so sad how something beautiful can hold someone in such a heartbreaking way. My dad kneels down on the step in front of the coffin and holds his hand out to me. I take his hand and allow him to guide me to the stool and kneel down as well.

I'm not much of a prayer, but in this moment I prayed. I prayed that Riley had found peace and that she was okay, happy, and not in pain where she was. That she was with her parents and smiling down on us all. I felt something wet drip on my hand and I open my eyes to realize I'm crying.

I look over to my dad and for the first time in a very long time I see that my dad, the strongest man I know is also crying. We both lost someone we loved so dearly. I bring myself to my feet and hold my hand out to my father who takes it and stands with me.

I wrap my arms around him and he hugs me back tightly and we stay there for a moment before we head to some seats in the back of the room to allow others to say their goodbyes.

We listen when the priest comes in to read versus from the bible. We listen to each of the individuals go up and speak about Riley. Some had funny stories and managed to get small bouts of laughter from those of us in the seats.

Everyone had something nice to say about Riley, She was so very loved. My heart sinks to my stomach as I remember some of our best memories together. Why did someone do this to you Riley.. I'll never understand it.

My dad puts his arm around my shoulder and I lean into him listening to the last couple of people speak and we all stand and exit the building to get into our cars. My dad is leading the funeral procession so I get into his cruiser with him and we wait for the que to leave. My dad puts his lights on and we begin the drive to the cemetery to bury my best friend.

The rest of the afternoon is a blur to me. It felt unreal and I just wanted it to all be a dream. I wanted to wake up, to Riley's smile and her stupid jokes. Instead I went home and slept another restless night of dark figures and monsters hiding in the shadows.

When I woke up it was to a lengthy apology text from Derick and Riley still gone. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

I open up my phone and begin to read Derick's text message to me.

Der: Addie I can't begin to explain how sorry I am for not being at the funeral. I wanted to be there for you I truly did but I just can't do funerals. I know its stupid and it may not seem like a valid excuse to have not shown up but I just have some past shit i cant deal with and i just hope you dont hate me.

Ad: its okay, i know theyre hard for alot of ppl i dont hate you Der. promise

Der: r u okay ? stupid question i know

Ad: im not sure when ill ever be truly okay but im doing alright. Dad wants to do movies tonight.. come over?

Der: Ill be there

Ad: bring pop corn xtra butter. or im not letting you in.

I smile at my phone and my slight butter addiction. Derick knows I love extra butter but always good to remind him so I'm not disappointed. I hear a knock at the door and I walk downstairs to see who it is.

My dad's already at the door when I get to the bottom of the stairs. I hear Myles asking if I am home and my dad telling him I am. "Shit" I say to myself, I really need to start telling my dad things. I hear Myles step inside the front door and my dad start to walk towards the stairs so I act as if I was just stepping down from them and walk around the corner to meet him.

"Ad Myles is here" my dad says with a smile. I nod at him and smile back and motion with my head to Myles to step outside. He turns and opens the door and steps out and I follow him out.

I follow Myles out the door and shut it behind us and walk down the couple steps and stand at the bottom. I turn and look at Myles whos followed me down the steps. He reaches his hand out to touch my arm as he opens his mouth too talk.

I cut him off before he can speak " Do NOT touch me" I say angrily. " What do you want Myles? Why are you here" I ask him just as angrily. He looks to his feet for a moment and then back up at me and I can see the hurt in his eyes. " Ad.. I am really sorry about what happened. I don't know what I was thinking.." he says his voice trailing off. " If you're here for forgiveness after what you did to Derick's truck Myles you're insane

." I say glaring at him. Shock crosses his face, he didn't know I knew so I was happy to see the reaction. " So it was you then. You had no right to do something like that. He's never done anything to you except stop you from basically abusing me." I tell him in a much calmer tone. Myles just stares at the ground not speaking.

I hear a car pulling up to a stop in front of my house and I look up to see Derick stepping out of his dads truck. Myles and Derick make eye contact and Derick walks up the concrete path to my steps and stands next to me.

" Everything okay here?" he asks openly. " Yeah Myles was here to apologize about your truck I believe" I said while looking over to Myles who was once again staring at the ground. When he looked up his face was completely masked with anger. I step back from him unsure of where his sudden bought of anger has suddenly come from.

Myles looks at me his eyes almost burning into my skin. " I have no apology for your new fucking boyfriend. I am sick and fucking tired of being your second option. First to Riley and now to HIM?" Myles shouts at me. " Dude you need to calm down" Derick says as he places himself between Myles and I. I hear the front door of my house open and my dad steps out. Myles looks up at my dad and my dad looks at him.

" Everything okay out here" my father asks. I hear Myles let out a small chuckle as he looks to my dad again. " Everything is fucking fantastic sir" he says and turns and storms down the lawn and next door. We hear his door slam shut as he enters his house.

My father turns to Derick and I with the " time to talk" look. We all head into the house and sit down in the living room and I explain to my dad the history of events that lead to today. " Next time report something like that to someone.

So that we can stop it there, and Addie I wish you would have told me this sooner I wouldn't have allowed him here" My father says speaking to Derick and then too me. Telling my dad what's going on made me feel better.

We talked for a while longer and then made popcorn and watched a movie. Once the movie was over Derick said goodbye and headed home and I went to lay down in bed. My dreams took me over and eventually I fell asleep.