Total Darkness

anxiety

My dad and I spent the night on Dericks mothers couches that night. My dad and his mother agreed it just felt safer. My dad called my mother and filled her in on everything that had gone on. She had already left to go back to work and my father talked her into staying even though she wanted to head back home right away. The next morning over breakfast Derick brought up that he could drive us both to and from school and my dad spoke up. " Addie isn't going to school till this guy is found" he said with a serious look on his face. " Dad you can't be serious I have classes and work I need to go" I argued with him. "We can have Derick pick up all your work and your science partner can come to you like before" my dad answered. I could tell by his tone he wasn't going to let up on this one. I guess I really couldn't blame for him, a part of me was glad. 

I gave Derick a list of my classes and he promised to make sure he got everything I needed and my father called the school to inform them of what was going on. I messaged Max and let him know that I'd be working from home and that we'd have to work on our project from there. He replied quickly that, that was fine and he had some ideas to go over with me for the project. I was relieved to hear this since I hadn't come up with any with everything going on. He said he'd shoot me a text when he got out of school to figure out a game plan. I replied that I'd be here, considering my dad wasn't letting me do anything but sit in the house. Derick kissed me goodbye and headed out the door to his truck. 

That's when the anxiety hit me. When I say it hit me, I mean the way you'd envision a train colliding with a brick wall. All the air felt like it had left my lungs and there wasn't a way to get it back. I felt dizzy and nauseas and the floor looked like it was rushing towards my face. I threw my hands out towards the wall next too me using it for support. I could hear myself gasping for air except the sound of myself sounded so far away. My dad came into the room just then and rushed to me wrapping his arms around me and helped me to the couch in the living room. I could hear my dad talking to me, but I couldn't get my brain to comprehend anything he was saying. He put his fingers under my chin forcing me too look at him. " Breathe Ad, breathe you're okay" I read his lips. I felt myself beginning to calm down, starting to be able to breathe and all the sounds of the house starting to sound normal again.

It was then I realized I was also crying. My dad pulled me in for a hug and I sobbed. I was angry, and scared. I lost my bestfriend and now the guy who killed her was after me and maybe everyone I loved too. "You're having a panic attack Ad, but you're safe I promise" my dad said to me wiping tears off of my face. "I don't want too lose anyone else dad" I said and started to sob again. " We've got police monitoring Derick while he's at school and im here with you right now." he said with a small smile. I didn't know he had a detail watching Derick so I felt a lot better once I knew that. My dads phone started to ring a short while later he pulled it from his pocket and motioned to me he'd be right back and he left the room.

I sat on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV flipping through the channels. I didn't know what I was looking for but I kept clicking the channel up button. My dad came back into the room a bit later, looking a bit confused and upset. I asked him what was wrong, that panicky feeling creeping into my chest. "We've got some news in the investigation is all" he said rubbing his chin with his hand. "Well? What is it?" I stared at him waiting for what felt like forever. Finally he sighed and looked at me " I can't disclose much without getting in trouble here Ad, but we believe whomever is committing these.. murders is a student at your school." His words felt like they sucked the air out of the room. " We'll be having a locker search done to see if we can find anything at all there but you need to keep that information to yourself Ad." he said looking at me with a slight frown. All I could do was nod trying to process what he was saying.

How could someone, a student from our school have done this? It just didn't make any sense too me. Why?? Just why. Nothing made sense anymore. I was sitting in Dericks living room while his mom was at work with my dad because home wasn't safe. A child basically was potentially killing people in our town. I wasn't allowed to go to school, and Riley was gone. I missed her so much, I felt that ache in my chest grow stronger and the tears well up in my eyes. I was so angry I felt myself start too shake. Why would anyone want to hurt Riley, or anyone in general. I felt my heart start to beat faster and that horrible anxious feeling start again. I forced myself to breathe and stared at a spot on the wall waiting for it to fade away. Anxiety. My newest friend, and really my only one at this point.