A Car's Tires on a Road

It's easier for us to hide

You're entire life you have that romantic fantasy that one day you're going to meet the perfect person. You'd fall in love and have kids and a nice life together. You're raised into it, your parents and other people telling you stories of how they met and television showing you exactly how love is supposed to work. As you get older the world gets more complicated and you learn that life doesn't work the way it does in movies and books. But even then a tiny little part of you still dreams of your own epic love story.

I never had that kind of illusion. I was raised to be a hunter. Always on the road, always on the run, and always only enough time for brief hook-ups with random girls. It's ironic how my dad's devotion to the job grew from such a love story, epic in the truest sense of the word, and he still managed to raise Sam and me into a life with no place for something like that. And I believed in it, I truly did. Brainwashed and alienated from real relationships, I only ever cared about a quick fuck.

I didn't even know what else to do anymore. I didn't remember how to fall in love. Like the cute waitress walking up and down the diner, for instance. She was just my type, dark-haired and funny and she had that great smile about her that just made you want to smile, too. Normally, I would charm her so much she wouldn't know what hit her. I would meet up with her when her shift was over and then we'd fuck all night. And in the morning, I'd sneak out of her place and forget her as soon as I started my car.

"Thank you," Cas said across from me, and when I looked up I saw said waitress smiling and refilling our coffee cups.

I winked at her, but it didn't feel real. Wendy. Wendy was probably the nicest girl and I wished so badly I could just go back to my old self. The self I was before the winter. The one I was before I started to annoy everyone with the single sole wish of having Christmas this year. Before I started drinking too much and eating like I was starved, or not eating at all. Before I hung out in my room too much and watched TV all day. Before I locked myself in and wouldn't talk to anyone. Before I'd fucked it all up.

"Are you alright?" Cas asked.

"Hm?" I cleared my throat, a lump building there. "Yeah, sure"

Cas raised a brow, something I'd never seen on him before. "What do we do next?" he asked.

A good question. I should be the expert, only that I had no clue. It wasn't like there was a handbook on how to do these kind of things, especially since this case wasn't making any sense. I remember that time when Cas had decided he wanted to become a hunter and followed me around all the time, watching my every move. It was nice to have someone believe you knew everything, but the truth is most of the times I make it up as I go.

"I guess we wait for Sam and Car to find something," I suggested.

"Where are they now?"

"Who knows with those two." I ran a hand over my face.

"You think there's something going on between them?"

"Well, I think I know how my brother looks when he's got a crush, yes"

"But you're not okay with it?"

I stopped pretending to watch the interesting interior of the diner and looked him right in the eyes. He was studying me. His eyes were fixed on me so hard it felt like a death grip. He leaned in and I couldn't help but back off a little, even though there was still a table between us. I don't know what I was afraid of. I don't know what I thought he was going to do. He was only looking at me and I felt so endangered my heart went wild.

"Quit the Q&A, Cas," I said eventually, my voice almost normal. I was okay. I wasn't acting weird. In fact, I was acting so normal I even managed to order another plate of fries.