Touch My Heart

Where is that from?

~This is hyunjins pov from earlier~

After Channie had walked back into the kitchen a burst of laughter came from everyone as Seungmin burnt the pancakes we were supposed to have. Again. The vibe of the room was amazing. The chemistry between everyone felt so natural and we all were just living the moment. Kinda. Something was off. Of course, we knew what it was. Felix. Why wasn't he here? Channie had come back and didn't tell us what had happened to him and Felix. It got me upset. After all, Felix has had a history of bad depression and the members handled it well then, but I don't know about it now. The truth is we all know Felix isn't in his right mind currently. The company had told us to step away from Felix to let him get better after they noticed he was off. I know him. That's not how he works. He needs love he can't be ignored. I don't know how others do it, but they have ignored him for a while and seem to think it's helping in a way. He has night meetings in the living room when Felix is asleep. We all vent about how we hate doing this to him. But in the end, I can't really tell if they mean it. I guess they are really good at acting...

"Hyunjin you good? You were like spaced out or something." Han spoke out to hyunjin. The rest seeing what the speculation was about.

"Oh yeah sorry about that...But wheres Felix chan?" Hyunjin couldn't resist asking. Hyunjin held his stare at chan waiting for an answer. The room suddenly changed. Everyone seemed shocked at the sudden remark. Eyeing one another they waited for an answer. 

After a couple of seconds, chan added, "He was asleep when I walked him. I didn't want to wake him up. I...I don't know how much longer I can do this guys. I can't do this. No. I won't do this anymore. We all know Felix and this is killing him. We are killing him. Why should we listen to the company when we clearly know him.." Chan choking upon his words decided to clam down. He sat and waited for a response from the others. It was silent for a moment. 

"You right. Who are we to do this. It's been almost a week since we haven't properly spoken to him. I know Minho being the reasonable man he is giving in a bit, but who are we to not take care of our brother? Bullshit." Han stood up being strong about his words. Everyone nodded showing agreement. 

"Yeah, I'm going to talk to him. I'll be right back." Hyunjin spoke softly and went to his room. Everyone's eyes following him. Were they right about this decision? Let's hope they were.

Hyunjin walked down the small hall to come across a room he hadn't been to in a while. What was he going to do? Just go in and be like, "Sorry I have been ignoring you.." No. He paced back and forth feeling pressured. But in the end, it was hyunjin. Hyunjn talking to Felix. They knew each other. That snapped into his head finally and he went to open the door. 

~Present time~

The doorknob was pulled out of Felix's hand and was opened from the other side. Felix saw the shoes. Hyunjins shoes. He didn't lookup. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bear to see someone like hyunjin right now. He felt a lump grow in his throat and turned around before he would let out a sob. 

Hyunjin looked at Felix and felt warmth in his heart. It had been a while since the 2 talked to each other 1:1. He noticed Felix had turned around and went to the corner of the room and sat on his bed. Not only did he sit, but he turned the other way, back facing hyunjin. Hyunjin wasn't new to this. Felix was pissed, upset, and enraged. 

"Felix. Hey. I need to talk to you. I know your probably upset-" Before Hyunjin could finish his sentence he was cut off by an obviously hurt Felix.

"Upset?! No, not at all. I'm not one bit upset. In fact, I've never been happier!! Being all by myself for a week in the dark alone is something anyone would want. Being ignored by your only family, yeah. I'm not upset. You not realizing what dumbfuck mistake you made yeah. I'm happy. Overjoyed." By the end of his outburst, he had let out the sob he had been holding in. Turning is back once again to Hyunjin laying in his bed. Holding his arm. The only form of emotion he had. 

Hyunjin felt the tears running down his face, but he didn't know what to do. He knew he fucked up. He knew stray kids fucked up the decision they made. "Felix...I'm so so sorry. It was the company I swear! We all knew it was wrong. For real. I mean it. I love you. We all do. We never expected it to turn out like this." Hyunjin also now in big tears walked up to Felix. He knew Felix loved cuddling so he gave it a chance. Felix couldn't reject. Hyunjin leaned over wrapping his arms around Felix. He laid in the bed next to him running his fingers through his hair. Felix was still upset, but this is something he needed. Emotions. 

Felix turned around hugging hyunjin back and startled him by the random act. Felix's head now in hyunjins chest crying. Not crying anymore, but sobbing. Hyunjin now realizing it's been a long time since Felix sobbed like this in front of the members. He knew Felix wasn't okay. And it was their fault. 

"I miss you. I need you all. You don't understand what I'm going through right now. I'm lost. I have nothing. I'm a disappointment. You guys hate me. I know it. Hyung, why did you do this to me..." Felix wrapped his arms tighter around hyunjin.

Hyunjin looked down at the younger not knowing what to say. He didn't know these emotions were hidden in Felix. Still shocked at how Felix opened up so much he decided to pull Felix apart. Felix had the. most puffy and red eyes Hyunjin had seen in a long time.

He put his hands around Felix's cheeks getting a good look at his worn down friend. No not a friend, his brother. He reached out to offering to hold Felix's hand. Still lying down, Felix reached to grab hyunjins hand. 

His sleeve....fell. Felix didn't notice the small yet life-changing movement of his sleeve. He messed up. Hyunjin grabbed Felix's hand and held it on his own. Something caught hyunjins eye...

"Felix...What's that on your arm?" Hyunjin suddenly changed. He was serious. Hyunjins eyebrows dropped and he looked at Felix. 

"It's nothing jinnie....For real I fell and scraped my arm I'm fine." What kind of lie was that? Felix hasn't been out and about that much. Neither has he fallen. Felix didn't know what to do and he quickly covered his arm.

Hyunjin grabbed his sleeve. "You....Felix. Where is that from"