12 Days of Ramenzo

a dudebro for life, homie

He must be seeing things.

He's got to be hallucinating, because there is no way that his phone is ringing and the number on the screen as it vibrates is Kaizo's. Not in a million years.

Ramen tries not to sound giddy when he answers because really this must be some very bizarre alternate reality in which Kaizo is calling his number, but no, sure enough, the voice on the other end of the line is unmistakable.

"...Greetings."

"I was going to ask if you seriously just said 'greetings' out loud like in real life but I'm pretty sure I'm in some fever dream right now anyway so what brings you to my phone line, may I ask?"

There's a pause, and Ramen wouldn't blame Kaizo for being overwhelmed by his verbosity.

"Uh-"

"Oh, no, by all means, go ahead and explain why for the first time in literally ever you called me instead of the other way round. If I didn't know better I'd consider the possibility that you didn't even know how to call someone on the phone, but I've seen you talking to your brother, so-"

"Jeez, you never shut up, do you," Kaizo sounds tired but not quite annoyed.

"Interrupt me, then," Ramen dares, "but please, do tell."

There's a sigh, and the next words are muffled.

"Sorry, didn't catch that," Ramen says.

There's a longer, more exasperated sigh, and Kaizo speaks up.

"I need your help for something..."

Ramen lowers the phone for a moment to pinch his arm. It leaves a red welt and he winces, massaging the spot, and shaking his head before bringing the phone back to his ear.

"Just had to make sure I wasn't in a coma. Repeat that?"

"Jesus christ, you know what I think I'm better off trying-"

"No, I'm listening," Ramen stops him. "Go on."

"Ineedyoutopretendwerengagedcausetherespartynmyexisgonbethere," Kaizo says quickly.

Ramen struggles to process for a moment. "What?"

Kaizo groans audibly. "Goddammit, why is this-"

"Something, something, engaged?" Ramen frowns, straining.

"Yes," Kaizo mumbles weakly. "I have to come to this party next weekend and PB is gonna be there so pretend you're my fiance?"

"PB?"

"My ex," and Ramen can hear him roll his eyes. "Don't make me say his name now."

"Okay, okay, I won't," the blond relents. "Fiance is a bit much, hm? What if we were just, y'know, friends-with-benefits?"

The pause on the other end is a bit too long to not be suspicious.

"What?"

"N-nothing," Kaizo says. "I mean, friends-with-benefits is still gonna raise some suspicion, just cause of history and stuff..." His voice fades and Ramen shrugs.

"Okay, so do you want me to propose at the party, or-"

"NO," Kaizo blurts, then backs down. "I mean, no, just like, I don't know, uh, rings?"

His voice sounds doubtful, as if he's starting to realize how silly this whole scheme sounds. Not that Ramen's ever shied away from nonsensical shenanigans, but one of Kaizo's own suggestion? Now that's a first.