It's funny how I felt the strange urge to reach out to you, after so many years. Maybe it's because I am back in our home town, where all the memories of us lies.
To say I miss those unforgettable days and memories that we shared would be an understatement. Although I still try to convince myself that our separation was all for the best, deep down I know it is a lie.
Like you always say, honesty is the best policy. And I'd like to admit that I wasn't entirely honest with you. The reason I gave for our separation was a lie, a lie that I would have wanted to keep to myself till I breathe my last breath, but sitting on our favorite bench here in the park has prompted me to tell you the truth.
I set you up. I didn't have the heart to tell you that I would be leaving the country for my Medical study. I didn't want to rip my heart out by saying goodbye. I didn't want us to end. But I did what seemed right to me at that moment, because I was afraid.I was afraid that a relationship would ruin all my dreams and hard work.
I was afraid that the expectations of my family would be shattered because of a relationship.
The only option I had was to pay Kris to put her acting skills into action. I paid her to put you in a compromising position, so that I'd have a reason to leave you and all our memories behind.
Fear of failure and ruins made me do that. I bit, chewed, swallowed and digested the stories that my parents and siblings fed me with.
Stories that were so false, yet, they seemed so true. Stories of how relationships ruined the lives of some of our distant relatives. Stories that made me doubt our feelings and relationship. Stories that made me fear failure without looking back. I guess that was their own way of telling me to focus on my career, but I went extreme with my actions.
For the past month that I've been here, in our home town, the silent nights of the park has been my most valued companion. I'm pretty sure I feel this way, because of your attachment to this park. We made the park our kingdom at night, you the King, and me, the Queen.
We made good use of our kingdom by playing to our hearts' content with the swings, the slides, the monkey bars, the seesaws, the merry-go-rounds, and your favorite, building of sand castles.
In the eyes of everyone, we were delusional teenagers that claimed to be in love. But now that I look at it, we were children who didn't care about what others thought, as long as our hearts beat with happiness and inexplicable joy.
In as much as I am very sorry for the stupid step that I took, maybe it was our fate to part ways. Heaven knows what would have happened if we stayed together after high school, maybe we wouldn't be where we are today. Maybe we would have lost track of our goals, all in the name of love. But none of that happened, thankfully.
Relief is going through my veins as I am writing this. Indeed, coming off clean relives the heart of its burdens. I am truly sorry for what I did, I know my reason doesn't hold water, but this is my reason, the teenage me is to blame.
Truly, you only know the value of someone or something when you lose them, or it. When I left you, I realized what I lost. Even though I tried to deny it, it still remained an untold fact. The I-Love-Yous that the teenage me said back then, I'm sure she didn't really understand its meaning. But now, the adult, mature, and sensible me has come to realize how much I love you.
You were a good friend, companion, buddy, partner and love. I don't regret anything that happened between us. I know these are contrary to the words that I told you on the day of the set up/ our break up, but these are my true feelings.
I'll forever be grateful for meeting someone like you, and if we are destined to cross paths again, I'm sure it will definitely happen.
