KINGS & QUEENS - LARRY STYLINSON FANFICTION

OPEN WORDS

"Hey," Harry says awkwardly as he walks toward Louis. He pushes his hair back in a nervous gesture. "Thanks for coming." His curls fall into his forehead again.

"Is this a new game? Sending me room numbers to reject me in there? What the fuck wrong with you?" Harry stays quiet as he walks into the bedroom. Louis follows. The lights are dimmed so that the room is illuminated nicely. The atmosphere reminds Louis of the first time when they shared a room. "We kissed and then you got serious, then we kissed again and you told me that we couldn't do it." Louis sits down on the bed, cross legged. "Don't you like me anymore?" Louis half-laughs and shakes his head. "How ironic that I'm asking you that."

Harry rubs his face and pushes his hair back again as he sits down too. "It's not that I don't like you, please don't think that. The situation I'm in with you is just difficult." He pauses, then takes a deep breath. "My problem is that I'm enjoying kissing with you too much, I think. More that I should."

"And that's the reason you're rejecting me?"

"Exactly."

"It wasn't a problem before, so why now?"

"Shouldn't you know the answer to this question better than I?"

"Do you feel uncomfortable with me?"

"No, Louis! You're wrong! How could you think that?"

"How? Maybe because of what happened a few hours ago?"

"You have a boyfriend, Louis! When I kissed you in this room, I suddenly realized what I was doing and it felt so wrong! I felt so guilty!" Harry pauses. "When I had the idea with the room, I just wanted to talk to you and have some private minutes with you since I knew we couldn't really talk with everyone around but when I saw you, something clicked and I couldn't resist. It felt so intimate and different that I was literally shocked how much it meant to me."

Louis stays quiet for a while because he needs to process Harry's words. "Do you mean it? Like . . . really?"

Harry nods. "I think I have developed feelings for you that I shouldn't have and that is the reason why I wanted to talk to you. I enjoy being with you too much and I know that we can't be-," Harry says but Louis silences him by putting his index finger over Harry's mouth. He scoots closer and touches Harry's cheek with the palm of his hand.

"Don't say it, please," he says quietly. He lets his hand slide down Harry's cheek until he reaches his neck where he rests his hand and caresses Harry's check with his thumb. "Don't." Louis leans forward and kisses Harry's temple gently, then he pulls back. Automatically, Harry scoots closer to him and nuzzles into his neck, wrapping an arm around him. Louis pulls Harry close and kisses his hair. They stay like this for a while and Louis feels like he could burst.

"Your heart beats fast," Harry says as he puts his hand onto Louis' chest, gently moving his fingertips over the silky material of Louis shirt.

"I'm nervous."

"To be honest, I'm afraid that this might be the last time that we're together like this."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because you know it's wrong and we can't-,"

"Stop, stop, stop," Louis interrupts and scoots away a little bit. Harry sits down in an upright position, too. "I miss you when you're not with me and I can't stop thinking about you. I'm so confused and I feel so bad when I think of Matt but . . . when we kiss, the energy kills me and . . . I want to be with you. I wasn't sure until now, I really wasn't but when I saw you in the room, I just wanted to be close to you, I wanted to kiss you and feel your touch although I knew it was wrong to feel that way but . . . I can't change my feelings. I really want to be your boyfriend but I'm afraid I'm not good enough-," Louis says but Harry stops his rant by pressing a little kiss onto his mouth.

"I hate hearing you say that you're not good enough for me. Please don't say that anymore." Louis just looks at Harry and nods. "But still . . . this is wrong." Louis wants to take Harry's hand but Harry pulls back.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have opened up like this." Louis wants to get up and leave.

"Don't leave, please. Please stay."

"I'm embarrassed, Harry."

"Don't be. I also have feelings for you . . . it's just . . . we can't go on like this. I can't kiss you, knowing that your boyfriend is waiting for you. We've already gone too far."

"And now? I mean . . . what should we do?"

"We could go to bed and talk tomorrow? It's so late."

"Can I stay with you?" Louis had asked this question a few days ago and it feels like a déja-vu.

"You know you should be with him, not me."

"I don't want to go."

Harry puts his hand over Louis' neck, leans forward and presses a small kiss onto his temple. "You should go and take your time to think about everything and . . . be honest to Matt."

"I don't want to talk to him now."

"Unless Matt doesn't know what's going on, we should stay away from each other, except for the stunts. It's not fair for him and I feel guilty all the time. I enjoy being with you and all that but still." Harry exhales audibly. "I'm sorry. It's really hard for me to reject you as you might have noticed."

"I don't want to admit it but . . . you're right. I don't dare talking to him. He has already been disappointed and stuff, if I told him that we have feelings for each other he would be heartbroken."

"He would also be heartbroken if you lied to him."

"I know."

"You have to confront him, there's no other way."

"This was his biggest fear, Harry. How can I tell him that he was right all the time? I . . . I'm desperate, I really am."

"I'm sorry for the mess and please believe me, I never wanted to make you feel unwanted."

"It's okay. I'm a mess myself and I don't know what's right or wrong anymore or what I want and what I don't."

"We both need time to think and a little distance will help us, I think. I'll leave in the morning and I'll be with you the day after tomorrow."

"Okay." Louis gets up and gets ready to leave. He turns around and looks at Harry. "Sleep well and . . . I already miss you."

"I miss you too, Lou. Goodnight."