Only Mine

28 - BONUS CHAPTER

I stopped the kiss before getting any further. Even though my heart and entire body were screaming at me to never end this sweet torture, my brain was right trying to stop me. I'm not doing this the same way as before. We are going to talk this time, work through our problems and hurts, and figure out if we even fit in each other's lives.

I press my hand gently on his chest, feeling his labored breathing and rapid beating of his heart, letting me know he is just as much affected by this as I am. He slowly reluctantly moves back, the fire in his eyes slowly dousing and a pleading sorrowful look replacing it.

Breaking my heart here, Jake. Don't look at me like that. But I don't say any of this out loud. My heart is aching to look at him so broken but I know we can't go on and live together happily without getting to the bottom of this. The past few months gave me a lot to think about and it wasn't only his fault. He did push me away, closed himself off, disappear, oh, and let's not forget the Serena-kneeling-and-opening-his-pants incident. The thought just makes my blood boil once again.
But I was also mistrusting from the start, staying closed off in the beginning and then expecting too much from him. We never talked about things, always just falling into bed together. Which was a perfect oblivious bliss, but it was still oblivion and all of our problems were just piling up until everything exploded in our face.

He is sitting next to me, probably noticing the torment in my eyes, but he doesn't push. Just sits there waiting for me to open up and take this wherever I want. And I appreciate it, it's what I need. To gather my thoughts and talk to him honestly.

I finally lift my eyes to his, staring at him for the longest time before taking a deep breath and ready myself to start the talk that will either make us or break us.

"Jake, I can't just fall back into your arms as nothing happened. A lot happened. You've been gone for months and that changed me too. We can't find our way back to each other if we don't talk about the things that broke us in the first place."

He takes a deep breath and gently takes my hands in his.

"Jess, I meant it when I said I'm ready for you now. I know we have to talk about everything and there is a lot I have to, no, need to explain. But I know you are my other half, the missing piece of my soul and I won't let you go unless leaving me is what you truly want and will make you happier in the long run."

I had a hard time swallowing down the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes because he was the missing part of my soul too. He was what I wanted, but I didn't know if we can forgive ourselves to actually make it work.

"It's not only about you. I've handled things wrong as well and we have to figure out if we can forgive each other and move past it."

"You are right. Let me start, I want to explain why I left. I want to tell you about the person I was and what meeting you did to me."

We need some space to start this talk properly, so I sit back on the couch, hold a small decorative pillow on my lap, and slowly nod for him to continue. He nods almost to himself, leans back, resting his head on the couch and closing his eyes. When he looks up again there is a faraway look in them and I know he needs to go back to his past in order to explain what has been going on. And his past was always the hardest thing for him to talk about.

"My parents were successful people, this power couple if you may, on the peak of their careers when they had me. I wasn't planned, not particularly desired, but they grew up pretty traditionally so abortion wasn't something they would ever consider."

My eyes water at the idea of a small boy that didn't feel wanted since before he could even remember. He sees my sad eyes and gives me the most painful smile I have ever seen.