A Girl of Many Sharts

Jacob and Daniel

  I held tightly onto Jacob's muscular ripped taut tan sweaty wet soaking body. Unfortunately, I still had the problem of a bare naked cooch. As we zipped through the air, Jacob caught a pungent whiff of it and offered me a dollop of the Bath & Body Works saltwater breeze hand sanitizer. Feeling indescribable rage and shame, i let Jacob slip out of my arms and into the nearest canyon.

He wailed his last words, saying, "you will never be loved with that stinky nasty abominable dung retching poop Coochie!" tears filled my eyes , and I started to doubt myself.... Was it truly that bad? My former lover, Candace Owens, had told me it was deliciously delectable like the fruit of the gods, but I guess she was lying after all. Unsurprising for her, though, since she had hidden her love for Danimals yogurt enemas since the very beginning of our relationship even though she was well aware that Danimals and I had a turbulent past. I continued on the zip line, tears streaming down my face sadly. I felt a strange pressure on the strong when suddenly I was falling through the air, my belay had broken! I fell right into the arms of Daniel Radcliffe!! He greeted me with a posh british accent.

"hello there..you look positively divine." Immediately, I burst into sobs, feeling accepted and loved for the first time in a while.

"thank you Daniel," I cried, and months later, we were married. One night, as we laid in bed together, I realized that I vehemently hated him, so I packed up all of my belongings and left without a word. As I waited at the train station, memories flashed through my mind one at a time. Daniel, Jacob, and ... Aidan? I squinted my eyes across the train station and a pair of deep drown orbs peered up at me. His shaggy brown hair like rancid diahrrea, his wide eyes like those of a little bug. It was him, AIDAN!