Poems to Get Me Through The Night

Figures

I'm tired.

I'm tired of keeping track of what goes into my mouth. 

Tired of feeling guilty for eating any of it at all.

Sometimes I think I'm past this. That I've moved on and now I'm able to take care of myself the healthy way.

But then night comes and  I find myself scrolling through Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter...

And I want to look like them so bad it hurts. 

I want an hourglass figure and legs that stretch on for miles.

I want hair that frames my face at all the right angles and a face that shines when it catches the light.

And then I'm counting the calories. 

And I'm planning how I'm going to avoid my hunger the next day. 

And I'm planning what lies I'm going to tell to make it seem like "I'm just not that hungry."

And I'm planning when I'm going to allow myself a small piece of bread so that I don't pass out. 

I have to remind myself that I've moved past this.

I know better ways to lose weight, better ways to be healthier.

And just when I think the tears are done, I've done a good job and talked myself down;

I wake up and do it all again.

I'm just tired.