Press. Release. Wait.

Apology Hour

I waited as long as I needed to.

I'd never heard him cry before. The tinny sound coming through the holes I stared at did little to cushion the weight of his emotion.

His sobbing went on. For how long I wasn't sure. I just sat and stared. Almost as though I was trying to pierce my gaze through the speaker and into Adam's face.

I tried to imagine what he looked like now. His face scrunched up and tears free-flowing from his eyes. My eyes watered as well. I wasn't sure if it was because I was sad or dust and eye irritants all around me.

I heard a quick sniff from the other side of the speaker. Then Adam cleared his throat.

"Are you still there?" He asked, his voice still shaky.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?" There were definitely a few tears falling from my face now. I wondered whether Adam could tell that.

"A lot." He stopped abruptly after that.

"I don't what you should be sorry about," I said back.

"I'm sorry to push you. I know this sucks."

"That's okay," I answered.

"I'm sorry that I push you to say things you don't want to say." He continued.

"That's oka-"

"I'm sorry," He interrupted. "I'm... I'm sorry that I'm bad at everything. I'm sorry I'm too emotional sometimes. I'm sorry that I'm not emotional enough sometimes. I'm sorry that I say the wrong things almost every time I open my mouth. I'm sorry you're mad at me because I know it's my fault. I'm sorry I'm mad at you... I know that's my fault too. I'm sorry that you can't stand me. I'm sorry that I still like you. I wish I didn't have to anymore. I wish I could feel the same way so I wouldn't have to think about you anymore."

I could hear him shifting from side to side on the other side of the speaker.

"I'm sorry that I hate myself." He couldn't stop. "I'm sorry I'm so dumb and terrible that I didn't even know that you were breaking up with me when you said you were breaking up with me and then you had to say it again. I'm sorry I didn't know what to say when you said that. I'm sorry I'm so stupid. So stupid. SO STUPID. I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. I CAN'T STAND BEING SO STUPID."

He began to gasp for air, sucking it in. I don't think he had breathed once throughout that entire soliloquy.

"I don't hate you," I said simply.

"That's not true," he insisted through gasps of breath.

"I don't. I... I like you a lot. I still like you a lot."

"That's not what I want to hear right now, Cheyenne."

I'm sorry but that's true," I said.

"Okay."

"I really don't know what to say to that." I said.

"I... I just needed to say something. Sorry it was so much." He began.

"Oh God. No not again. You're not sorry about anything, you hear? You're actually not sorry."

"Okay," he answered.

"Say it." I implored him.

"I... I'm not sorry." He stuttered.

"Good," I answered simply. "Alright let's talk."

He took a few more deep breaths from the other side.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Well..." I began, "where are you?"

"Ummm... what was it? Train seven right?" He recalled.

I looked back to the pitch blackness, knowing the mass of concrete and dirt that lay invisible before.

"Okay... cool." I said.

"Where are you?"

"Train three."

There was a few seconds of pause.

"Interesting."

"Yup," I blurted out.

"So..." he continued, "in my mind you would be buried under about a a trillion tons of dirt."

"Wait..." I was finally picking up on his situation. I looked behind me, almost confirming that the invisible rubble was there. "If you're facing the speaker, is the collapse behind you or in front?"

"It's in front of me. What... What about you?"

"Behind."

"What the fuck?" I said.

"Yeah. I guess I agree."

"That means," I continued, knowing that my realization was coming. "Your tunnel's not blocked on the other side."

"Hey, dumb question but has it always been blocked behind you?"

"Yup."

"Cool," he said, "just checking. Me too. Always in front."

I didn't know what to say. I had no idea how to wrap my head around this.

"Awesome." I was completely unsure if I had said that genuinely or sarcastically.

"Yeah," he answered, "I guess that's kind of cool."

"Adam?"

"Yeah?" He said.

"Are you able to walk?" I asked.

"I... I think so."

"Can you check your tunnel? I mean, maybe that one leads somewhere."

"I... I don't know why it would."

"Maybe Adam," I got closer to the microphone, "give me something here buddy."

Adam sighed. I could tell he was contemplating it as I waited.

"Maybe."

We waited in silence for a while. I wanted to give him time to figure it out. I knew there wasn't much of a chance. Even if we weren't trapped in some kind of hell dimension possibly led by some kind of dark entity that likes to paralyze people and then breathe on them in a threatening manner there still wasn't much of a chance.

"Can you do just five minutes there, five minutes back?" I asked, "just like me."

Adam sighed again. His main form of communication when he didn't want to do something. I heard some movement. Then silence. Like he had gotten away from the microphone. It was okay. I could wait until he decided. This was pretty much all I had. The only thing I could think of right now.

I heard something strangely familiar coming from the speakers. A few steps. A tiny sound that was almost like a pant. I squinted my eyes, wondering where I had heard that from. I heard Adam get closer to the speaker again.

"Hey Cheyenne?"

"Yup?"

"Have you seen that dog?"

"No. It wasn't there when I came back."

"Well..."

Don't say it.

"Well," he began again. "I think I know where the dog went."

Nope. No you don't.

"The dog's right in front of me."

Adam sighed again.

"Cheyenne?" He called out to me.

I clenched my fist and sighed angrily in response.

"I'm sorry."

What the fuck.