Soudam oneshot book

touch⚫️

AU: kazuichi is a selective mute
Despair au or non despair au: non despair

(tw: r@p3, abuse, self harm)

kazuichi pov

i grazed my fingers across the cuts on my wrist. they stung, seeing as they were sort of new. 3 days old at this point. i started to cry in my room. full on sobbing even.

everything hurt. my legs hurt from running, my head hurt from crying, my hands hurt from banging on the door, my neck hurt from my father, etc. it all hurt.

running

i was running home from school

crying

i was crying because i felt too angry

banging

i was locked in a supply closet, they wouldn't let me out

father

my father called me weak, and he pinned me to the wall by my neck.

i knew i was weak. he never let me live it down. i knew my only safe place was gundham's house, but he was probably busy. and besides, i had only known him for a month now!

still.... i sighed and stood up. i wiped my eyes and opened my window, jumping out. i walked to gundhams house and invited myself in.

i walked to his room and opened the door.

i knocked on the wall to let him know i was here.

"wh- oh! hello, mortal. how are you?" he smiled, standing up. he tired to wrap me in a hug but i swiftly dodged it and looked at him

"right right, you don't like being touched. my deepest apologies. anyway, answer my inquiry! how are you, dear?"

i shook my head, grabbing my phone and typing out something about my dad and what he did to show gundham

"oh. i'm sorry." he sighed, frowning.

-

i spent the night at his place, sleeping on his queen sized bed with him. i'm glad it was queen sized, it's less likely he'd touch me now.

however, i woke up with his arm draped over my chest, both of us on our sides.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

i couldn't move, let alone breathe. he was touching me. he didn't know, he was asleep, but still. i ripped his arm off of me and quickly got off of the bed, running to the corner and curling into a ball, and i started crying.

when he woke up and he looked at me, confused at first, but then he understood.

"did i accidentally touch you in my sleep?" he frowned. i nodded shakily. he sighed and sat next to me.

"i'm sorry..." he sighed, still frowning.

i nodded and smiled at him. it seemed to work because he started smiling too and stood up. i wiped my eyes and stood up too. of course i wanted his touch but...at the same time, being touched makes me feel disgusting. so i did the next best thing, i took his jacket and put it on. i followed him to the kitchen

"ah, you're wearing my clothing! wondrous!" he smiled

"it's like i'm hugging you without laying a finger on you!" he chuckled. i smiled too and held myself as a way to keep the jacket close. gundham smiled again when he looked at me.

-

we walked to school and talked about everything. well gundhan did. i dont talk. the second i got to the god forsaken building, i knew i had to be careful with how i go about walking. someone might touch me. i slid away from gundham and made it to my locker, without as much as a graze from my peers.

that didn't last long, as i soon felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. i tensed and stood still. my body was soon thrown into my own locker, said locker then being shut. i banged on the door of my locker. i sobbed in the locker and fell to its floor.

gundham usually skipped class so i wasn't surprised when i heard his familiar walking pattern. i slammed my hand against my locker again to get his attention

"hm?" he comes to my locker and puts the code in. he opens it and sees me. he frowned and leaned down. he reached out but didn't touch me. i shakily reached my hand out and grabbed his. his eyes widened and he smiled. he picked me up softly and set me down as soon as he could. however i stood up and hugged him, sobbing into his chest and holding him close.

he wrapped his arms around my chest and kissed my head. i smiled and leaned closer.

-

gundham was walking me to his house and he sighed

"hey...kazuichi?" he called while we were walking

i looked up at him.

"do-...is there a reason t-that you didn't like being touched, my paramour?" gundham asked

i froze and sighed. i looked up at him and sighed. i still didn't have the courage to use my voice, it still reminds me of what happened. i grabbed my phone and wrote down the entire story.

(tw for the r@p3 here)
last year at a summer camp there was this kid who i met and i started to be friends with. he treated me like royalty, we were very physically affectionate, and everything was well. except for the last 2 weeks. in the last 2 weeks he'd r/pe me everyday. i promised him i wouldn't tell anyone. that leads into why i don't talk, but ever since he pulled what he pulled i've never felt comfortable with touch. until today.

gundham frowned and held his arms open. i hugged him again and smiled into his chest. he smelled so nice.

"kazuichi?"

i looked up at him.

he kissed my cheek and smiled at me

"i love you." his smiled made me feel safe. i smiled back and laid my head on his chest

god i hope he doesn't hurt me...