k-pop oneshots (mostly skz)

#2 am i important to you? (changjin)

inspired by a story i experienced recently :')

changbin p.o.v

Here i sit. Alone next to my friend Chan. We are just listening to music together, while saying nothing. For others it may look dumb, but just being alone together and enjoying the music is something i really recommend.

Chan and me are only recently best friends. We were just classmates before, but since a few days i realised, that he is the only one i always trusted and who never broke any promise. For me trusting others seems so unreal. They can hurt you and know it, but at the end they don't even care about it. As long as they get away with it, they don't think about your feelings. Maybe i just have bad experiences with most of my ex-bestfriends.

My doctor recently confirmed, that i suffer from trust fear. I wasn't even surprised anymore.

But some may ask, why Chan is just recently my best friend? Yes, it used to be someone else, but he kinda broke my trust or maybe i just overreacted back then. This someone stood just a few meters away from me, laughing with some of his other friends. Seing him being happy without me breaks me, but at the same time I'm reliefed, that he is happy now. I was just a burden to him.

His name is Hyunjin by the way.

But how did he broke my trust? Well, it's complicated.

We always were the best friends. Talking about our problems, bully each other jokingly and also making each other compliments. Like a normal friendship. What a lot of his and my friends didn't know, was, that he loved me. Not as a friend, but more.

He confessed to me after some time. I couldn't believe that he actually liked me back then.

But i had to be honest: i didn't liked him that way. He was my best friend, who understood me and cared about me, but he was no one, i would kiss and could say „i love you" to everyday.

I was really struggeling with what to say to him. If i would rebuff him, i would loose my best friend and on top would hurt him. At the same time i wanted to be honest. It was so hard.

At the end i rejected him, but offered to stay as friends. Luckily he agreed, but of course he was hurt.

After some time these wounds healed, but he kept telling me how much he loved me every day. Maybe to change my feelings towards him or something. At first i just accepted it, until i got a little uncomfortable with it. He seemed so obsessed with me. He adored me in everything i did. The thought of his happiness around me still makes me smile. Even though i couldn't return his feelings he was a good friend and someone i could tell everything.

This phase of him telling me, how much he loved me everyday, lasted a half year.

Like him I also have other friends and one of them changed everything. Seungmin. I only know him since barely one month now. We met through the internet and he seemed nice, so we stayed in touch

He was such a cutie. Someone you want to protect.

Hyunjin found him cute as well. At first i was kind of unsure if i really want them to be friends, because i experienced how friendships like this will turn out. Two begin to find each other nice, while you, who actually introduced them to each other, more and more dissapear in their shadows. And that's exacly how it went. Hyunjin and Seungmin liked each other. And from liking each other it changed to love.

I felt a little excluded, but then it turned into anger and my feelings were about to boil over.

Only two weeks after knowing each other, Hyunjin and Seungmin confessed their love for each other.

As a friend i should have been happy for them, but i simply couldn't. The boy, who always told me, how much he loved and adored me, only needed two weeks to forget me? It hurts. It still does.

I never was confident, but this actually destroyed the last bit of confidence i had. He loved me and always told me, that I'm amazing and finding out, that most of it was a lie, just hurts. I of course wish him luck with seungmin, because i know seungmin won't hurt him.

But the thing i will miss the most are the nights we texted or talked for hours and now he is not interested in me at all. Was i really someone you love and then throw away? Someone you use and then realise how boring this person really is? These questions are buzzing through my head since days. The longer i thought about it, the more i realised that i never was somebody to hyunjin. He just needed someone, who gave him attention and i was that dumb giving this attention to him.

But he still is my friend. Yes, I'm dissapointed, but i can do nothing against it. He is happy with seungmin... happier, than ever.

Maybe i should have returned his feelings back then, but then i would have lied to him and i don't like lying, so it's better how it is.

We don't talk anymore.  At least one of us can be happy now.

„Changbin?", i heard chan saying and I awakened from my thoughts, as he shaked me a little. I blinked a few times, before answering with a confused „yes".

„The bell has rung", he informed me and stood up. Really? I can't concentrate, when i think about stuff, that makes me sad. Our schoolbell was so loud, that it was almost impossible to overhear it, but i still was too focused on my thoughts to hear it.

„You still think too much about it, Changbin... forget it. I don't want you to walk in this world without a smile, okay?", Chan smiled a bit and placed his arm around me.

I nodded and smiled. He really was a good friend.

„Thank you, Channie"

---

hey :D

as announced i published this more personal oneshot :D bc it's more personal, i maybe wrote it a little complicated... so if there are any questions, pls ask me ^^

well, i hope y'all liked it ^^

stay healthy :3

bye bye <3