Chasing Axel Blaze (Mi Amore #2)

20

athazagoraphobia

- the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced.

･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ:

Chapter 20

He looked taken aback and couldn't let out a word. Umatras siya sa akin ng konti na tila natatakot at pinanliliitan ako nito ng mata, like he's assessing me and my actions.

Doon lamang ako natauhan. I gave him an apologetic look and tried to come closer. Shit. May nasabi na naman akong pinagsisihan ko. Pinangunahan na naman ako ng mga emosyon ko. I didn't even think straight while saying that to him!

"Sorry..." I tried to mutter, but he still didn't talk.

Now I'm starting to feel guilty again. Kahapon pa ako nito at hindi ko naman siya gustong itulak pero ayon ang nagagawa ko kapag nariyan na siya!

And what was I thinking, I only want the chase? I've always been happy since we got together! Hindi naman nawala ang kasiyahan ko nang maging kami. The spark didn't leave. Nothing did.

It's just this small distance between us that I can't get out of my mind. It's making me crazy, thinking about what changed between us and why we suddenly have this awkward distance.

"Sorry," pag-uulit ko at pilit siyang binigyan ng ngiti. "Marami lang gumugulo sa isip ko ngayon, hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin sa mga 'to. Sorry napunta pa sa'yo lahat..."

He nodded and placed his hands on his pockets before coming closer. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang ekspresyon niya. Those eyes still look scared of something. Parang may bumabagabag din sa kanya. He shifted his weight on his other foot and tried to smile at me.

"It's okay," he suddenly blurted fast. Kunot-noo ko naman siyang tiningnan at naguguluhan ako sa kanya. He's not scared of me, is he?

Pinagmasdan ko siya habang bahagya niyang pinipikit ang mata at humihinga ng malalim na tila kinakalma ang sarili. I let him and didn't utter a word. Kasalanan ko rin at kahapon ko pa siya natutulak at kung ano-anong pinagsasabi sa kanya.

"I'm willing to be with you right now, even if all I can do is just lend a shoulder for you," biglang lapit niya sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. His hands were cold and almost trembling, making my brows immediately crease at the sight. Hinawakan ko rin ang kamay niya para pakalmahin iyon at hindi ko alam kung bakit nanginginig siya masyado.

"Ayos ka lang?" I asked, craning my neck to see him properly. His expression depicted something confused. He let go of my hand and ran his hands through his hair again before nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry I can't say what's on my mind right now," he clasped his hands over his head. "But this is something I can only get to tell you once it's solved..."

"Tungkol ba sa pamilya mo?" Tanong ko, pero nang mapagtanto ang kaniyang sinabi, mabilis akong umiling. "'Wag mo na pala sagutin! Okay lang, basta sabihin mo sa akin kapag nagawan mo na ng paraan, ha? Kayang-kaya mo 'yan!"

For a second, he looked stunned and I felt his frustration as he closed his eyes. Malaki ba ang problema niya? I hate that we both have problems but can't even tell each other properly. Nalulungkot akong hindi niya sa akin pinapaalam ang kanya, pero siguro dapat ko rin siyang respetuhin. He did give me space after telling him I didn't want him following me.

When he opened his eyes, he immediately pulled me in for a hug and rested his head on my shoulder, caressing my hair softly. Almost as if he was putting all his weight on me. Wala akong nagawa kundi yakapin siya pabalik at kung hindi ko man siya matulungan, baka ito lamang ang tanging paraan para maparamdam sa kaniyang kasama niya ako.