My writings

My first, Alizabeth

She was my first love. She was beautiful, sweet, kind, loving, and most importantly. she talked to me first. I fell for her after our first conversation. We fell in love were we weren't supposed to. It was a church retreat. We met when I was in a fairly dark place in my life. I was still building my faith in God and I was going through a pretty deep depression and didn't really have anyone in my life at this point.

When it was time to go to the church retreat, I was severely opposed to going due to how antisocial I was at the time. I got there and felt instantly out of place. Everyone there was happy go lucky and outgoing and I was very reserved and shy, I did not want to talk to anyone or be there period, but I was going to be there for three freaking days!

During the first days' activities, this really pretty Mexican chick caught my eye, and I got caught staring a few times, turns out however, that she had been staring too. On the second day, we actually did some activities together and I finally got the courage to ask her name and talk to her but not before her friends pushed her to talk to me first which was very awkward and I felt kind of bad that I didn't make the first move. (Yes , I was super shy and did not know how to properly talk to girls so sue me!) She was actually very kind and sweet and talking to her made everything not so crowded and stuffy at the retreat. On the third day, we spent the day together when we could.

On that day, I tried to learn what I could about her. Her name was Alizabeth. She was the middle child of a family of five; Her mom, Dad, older brother, her, her and her younger sister (I might be missing someone but oh well). She was emo, listened to alternative rock and only had a couple close friends. She was from a small town only a short 45 minute drive from my town. She had, unfortunately, gone through some pretty rough times before I met her and scars from her battles with depression, something we both have in common.

And yet, even despite the scars and the outside flaws, she was still the most beautiful thing I had laid eyes on at that time. Just getting to know her and talking to her, I fell in love. Yes, she was beautiful on the outside and very beautiful indeed! However, it was her personality, the world in her eyes, and the soul that I had glimpsed, that made me want to love, and hold her, to make her feel wanted: for her to know she was loved and cared for, and that not everyone was against her. I wanted to give her the world and more, to see the stars in her eyes. She was so beautiful and sweet. All I could do was think about her when we were apart and when we were together, I couldn't stop smiling. In my head I thought, "This is it! She's the one for me! I love her so much and always will!".

And so the day carried into the night and came the last part of the youth rally, the dance. We found each other, got some food, and sat and talked. Finally a slow dance song came on and I asked her to dance, she didn't know how so I had to teach her, but I had only recently learned how to slow dance and that's the only way I know how to dance so I was not judging at all.

We stepped onto the dance floor, and it being and love song, we held each other close. It was the first time I got to hold her, you know it being a church retreat and all. She smelled sweet, she was also slightly cold but I am very warm bodied so it was no problem. It was a good night and a sweet and memorable dance. Everything about her was perfect, and during the song we shared a moment when our eyes met. Her smile, the sparkle in her eyes, her sweet scent and soft hair, the way she talked, the way she looked at me, the coolness of her body so close, and alas, the deliciously soft touch of her lips against mine, we fell in love instantly.

In my view, she was everything to me, She had a smile that could put the sun to shame. Every word that came out of her mouth was so sweet and warm. I wanted to watch the stars dance in her eyes and watch them shine with happiness and to care for her and love her like no other. Just a look could melt me and pierce my very defenses as if they were nonexistent. I could stare into her eyes for an eternity and never get tired of looking at her. Just being around her made me feel whole.

Our relationship went on for a few more months but like all good things, it came to a heartbreaking end. we had our ups and downs but one thing was too big to ignore and I couldn't accept it and that was where we ended our relationship. She was my first, I loved her and she loved me but, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

It was the first time I had fallen in love, the first time I had loved someone other than myself. She was my first, and then she was gone...