Escapade of the Dawn

Chapter 4

"You guys wanna hang out this weekend?" Immediately, Carwyn answered. "Yes, sure, si, oui and any other word that means yes." He had lied down on the stairs at some point, with his arm draped over his eyes. Thankfully Maya had calmed down from her previous discomfort, and was able to focus once again. "You good, Carwyn?" 

"Yeah, just want to get away from my house for a while. Gets kind of suffocating there after a while of studying and being forced to watch the news all day." Finishing their food, Maya spoke. "Now that I think about it," Kay and Carwyn turn to her. "I just remembered I have to help my mom clean over the weekend. You know how she is, with that stuff."

The rest of the week went on as usual; Maya would come to school, eat breakfast during her free hour with her friends, attend her classes, eat lunch with friends, attend more classes, and walk home with friends. The exact same as every other week day.

Maya never minded spending this much time with Kay and Carwyn, occasionally adding on another friend or two Maya barely knew, but recent times had gotten to her. Recent emotions and distractions had gotten to her, leaving her feeling the need to try and stay alone. Stay away for as long as possible. 

If she were asked how she was feeling, how she felt, she'd reply with a simple fine. That was all friends and family really knew, the only word Maya was was fine. Many times, Carwyn would question further; Maya wasn't the best at lying, so she'd do one of two things. Lie some more and attempt to convince her friends she was merely tired, and that she promised she was genuinely okay, or tell the truth and go on a rant about how she's been feeling. Very rarely did she opt for the latter option. 

As of now, Maya lay on her bed, wondering if Kay and Carwyn were having fun hanging out. It was often she'd wonder what the two were thinking. She'd catch herself occasionally, and tell herself that that probably wasn't even a healthy thing to wonder. It must not be healthy to wonder what people think, what people do. After all, if it was in any way healthy, why would people feel odd and uncomfortable whenever Maya attempted to ask people if they wondered the same?

How could it be normal?

Maya turned to her side from her back, looking to the wall her bed was pushed up against. She felt exhausted. She felt unreal, and most of all, she felt empty. She's always hated these days, ever since she first developed a certain fear; a fear that did not allow her to be held tightly, or to playfully punch her friends' shoulders for their birthdays. Many times, she'd catch herself wishing she could just be hugged, tightly, for a while. Others, she'd wonder what it would be like to platonically hold hands with her friends without flinching, or overthinking and feeling far too tense to just enjoy moments. 

If she were to check her phone, Maya would find that it was already four in the afternoon. Usually, if she actually felt normal, she'd be eating her late lunch; usually a ham and lettuce sandwich with the smallest bit of mayo. Today, however, all that was felt was... empty. Nothing but a pit in her stomach craving nothing but comforting touch. A hand hold would suffice, but truly, Maya longed to be tightly held by someone who she trusted.

Her thoughts, at that very moment, consisted of shadows. Occasionally, Maya would attempt to focus on the shadows that came with closed eyes, and would see very faint, red spots and patches. The shadows that made up thoughts, were all just faded. Blurry, in a sense. Just small glimpses of things she wanted, things she wondered would be nice to have. Flashes of pitch black, mimicking beautiful and sparkling colors. Maya found it odd, ironic if you will. The emptiness and desperation of pitch black comparing itself to gorgeous and and exhilarating colors, bright and so colorful, it'd  hurt your eyes. Maya would welcome the pain. Just as long as she didn't have to feel this blackness again. 

She knew that wasn't possible, though. To never feel this enormous pit in her stomach, rising and lowering alongside her breath anymore. To no longer feel desperate for physical contact but have no choice but to deal with the emptiness. 

Perhaps in another life, but today was not the day where Maya could feel at ease.

Two hours passed until Maya finally got out of bed and off of her phone. The pain in her stomach from the hunger caused by no food through out the entirety of the day had finally successfully urged her to walk to the kitchen, and at the very least grab a small snack. Perhaps a bag of chips, and water. Soda and other drinks were too much for her at the moment, and she felt disgusted at the idea of eating or drinking something with specific flavors. Maya didn't want to deal with the carbonation of soda, and she didn't want to deal with making her fruity tea. She just wanted to get the pain out of her stomach quickly, and just go about the rest of her day in bed - where she'd watch some movies and just zone out.

Not today, she thought. Not until I don't feel so empty.

I don't know if this chapter is as well written as the other chapters, and I apologize if this was short. Haven't been feeling too motivated hahah.

Word Count: 923 words