i'll be okay (i promise) | hayley leblanc

🦔 - three

i peeked my head into jules' room, seeing her unconscious on the bed as three nurses surrounded her.

"juli?" i whispered, wandering closer to her bed. "emmy, what's happening? mom?"

"hayley, come here," my mom opened her arms for me, and i could see tears in her eyes. i shook my head, starting to scratch my arm again. i found myself in october again, with my mom crying as she tried to hug me and somebody was trying to breathe life back into my sibling.

"no, no.. no!" i screamed, feeling my eyes well up with tears. i backed away from everything again, putting my hands over my ears and leaning against the wall. i slid down and buried my face into my knees. this couldn't have been happening right now. she was just fine. she was talking to me, and trying to make light of everything.

and i stormed out. i stormed out like a brat, because i was selfish and put my own emotions before my sister's health.

"hayley," i felt somebody grab ahold of my arms, but i tried to turn away. "hayley!" the person almost yelled, trying to get my attention. i slowly lifted my head, seeing my mom sitting across from me as she held onto my arms tightly.

"what?"

"are you alright?"

i shrugged. "whatever."

"hayley, seriously. are you okay?"

"no," i finally managed to get out. "i'm not okay. my older sister is getting revived, and it's reminding me of.." i trailed off, and i think my mom understood where i was going. she nodded and pulled me into a hug. i hid my face in her chest, trying not to cry too much.

my mom pulled away, cupping my cheeks in her hands. "haybug, jules is going to be fine, okay? the nurses found a pulse almost immediately, and they responded to the situation pretty fast. she's not going anywhere."

for now, i wanted to say. it didn't feel right, though. but i knew it was inevitable; i was preparing for the worst. i didn't want to lose a piece of myself again, but this time, i'd at least be prepared.

"caleb wasn't fine," i looked down at the floor, pouting a bit. i saw emmy frown out of the corner of my eye, before quickly turning her attention back to jules.

my mom appeared stunned, like her jaw dropped. she had nothing to say to that, i just received another hug and watched as she went back over to jules.

because, apparently, hugs solved everything.

-

the nurses eventually got jules stabilized, and she was sleeping — breathing — peacefully in her bed. i'd managed to distract myself from everything with a game of among us on my phone. they got her stabilized a few minutes ago and had already gone back to their rounds or whatever, but emeline stayed a bit longer. she had some free time, so she was talking to my mom about jules and just catching up on everything. i was focused on my game, but i could still hear their voices in the background while i played. so, i didn't know what they talked about.

"emmy," i spoke up, finally, after putting my phone in my pocket. "what's wrong with juli?"

emmy sighed, looking over at me. "i'm sorry, hayl.. i don't know exactly. i promise, as soon as we know something, you guys will find out. we're going to start running tests when she wakes up, but all we know right now is that she fainted twice, for an unknown reason."

"is she dehydrated?" i suggested, starting to fidget with my hands nervously.

"mm, i don't think so," emmy bit her lip. "they've had her on fluids since she got here, and it doesn't seem like anything's changed if she fainted again." she explained quietly, looking over at jules. i stood up, looking at the three of them as i started to walk backwards toward the door.

"i need to go somewhere else," i mumbled, turning around and wandering out of the room. i heard a faint hayley, wait! from behind me, but i didn't turn back. i should've, probably, but i couldn't. i hated hospital rooms; it was the last place i saw my older brother.

i wandered the corridor mindlessly, hearing beeps and buzzes from all the rooms and machines around the place. i still didn't know where i was going — just that i was walking somewhere. it was, in some weird and twisted way, therapeutic. even though it wasn't a quiet hallway, i managed to tune it all out while i walked and i felt like i was the only one there. i felt calm, even if it was only for a moment.

"hayley!" somebody shouted from behind me, snapping me out of my daydream or wherever i was. i turned my head around, seeing emmy running towards me, and i whirled the rest of my body around.

"what do you want?" i crossed my arms.

"you don't seem okay," emmy placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. i rolled my eyes, trying to shake her hand off of me.

"whatever," i shrugged.

"i know you're scared, hayl," she said in the softest, kindest voice i've ever heard. "just know.. you can talk to me about anything, little one. i'm always going to be here for you, hay."

i shrugged again, but this time i added a nod, signifying that i heard her. "i know," i whispered, before wrapping my arms around her tightly. i felt myself crying again, this time into emeline's scrubs.

emmy didn't care about that. i just felt her rubbing little circles on my back, holding onto me in a protective way. honestly, i never wanted to let go.

i actually felt safe.