Sunken

chapter one

It took Lorelei a moment to take in Cassandra's words. She's... She's getting back with Felix? Disbelief and a crushing feeling sank to the bottom of Lorelei's stomach as she stared dumbly at her now ex-girlfriend. How could she... How could she do this to her after that night they spent together?

Cassandra explained her reasoning. Image. That's it? Lorelei thought incredulously. So what if  we're both girls? What is image compared to happiness?

"It's for the best." Cassandra sighed with a soft smile.

For who's best? Cassandra's? Felix's? Obviously it was not Lorelei's.

Cassandra walked away and Lorelei could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes as she failed to fill the empty hole in her chest with cake. Sweets fixed almost anything. She said so herself on her first date with Cassandra. But now, the cake did nothing for her.

It wasn't until her friend Christine came up to her, small gift in hand and worried look on her face that made Lorelei smile again. It seemed as though Christine always brought a smile to Lorelei's face no matter how upset she was. And she didn't fail this time either.

The photo of them both was such a touching gift that Lorelei burst into tears as she pulled Christine into a deep hug.

"You're a really good friend, Christine." She said, holding onto her friend as if she would disappear at any moment.

"Uh-huh. You are too." 

Unfortunately, that moment came too soon. The Summer ended quickly and Christine was whisked off to college faster than than Lorelei wanted. It wasn't until she finally returned home after saying bye that she realized how alone she was. No Irene, who passed a couple years ago. No Christine, who could only contact Lorelei by text. And certainly no Cassandra.

Despite months having passed since the high school graduation party she still had yet to get over her ex. She was always a thought in the back of Lorelei's mind. How was she doing? Is she really happy? Maybe I should text her.

There were many times over the Summer that Lorelei found herself in front of her phone screen, finger hovering over the button of Cassandra's number. But yet, the thought of seeing her brought back that terrible crushing feeling so Lorelei sighed and turned off her phone, semi-content to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away.

Lorelei found herself doing that more often now. There were days where she just couldn't get herself out of bed, loneliness and heartache gripping her muscles making it impossible for her to even think about getting up.

When she did get up however, it was mostly just to relocate to the couch to watch re-runs of sitcoms only to turn it off halfway through the episode because it just didn't feel right without Christine. It felt so wrong without Christine. She was her rock ever since Irene passed, and she was the last one Lorelei had left. Sometimes she would call her crying that she missed her so much. Lorelei couldn't handle being on her own. She felt pathetic for having to rely on her best friend for everything.

After the whole mess about her ex, the town seemed tense. She remembered a few days after the graduation party where she made eye contact with Onyx outside and all he did was scowl at her. Guilt and regret crawled down Lorelei's throat as she sadly made her way back inside her house, trying to escape the hatred that radiated off of Onyx in waves.

It wasn't just Onyx that gave her a nasty look. Her other friends seemed to avoid her during the Summer as well. So Lorelei, feeling very alone, didn't talk to anyone for a very long time. She stayed in bed, wallowing in her own misery, but she really couldn't help it. The hole that Cassandra tore in her chest weighed her down more than anything. She called Christine very often, sometimes accidentally in the middle of class, just to hear her voice to know that she really wasn't alone. But sometimes she didn't call her, she thought of herself as a nuisance and she didn't want to come across as seeming needy, but in reality, she was. She needed someone to be there, to talk to, to joke with, to laugh, to have fun, but there wasn't anyone. It seemed to her like everyone (besides Christine) hated her.

There were times where you told yourself to get over Cassandra. She was taken, after all. She was the homewrecker. She tempted Cassandra into adultery. It was her fault this happened.

It was thoughts like those that kept her in bed all day berating her wandering eye and open heart. She loved too much and thought too little of the consequences.

After the loss of Irene, Lorelei didn't think she could love another but here she was, deeply and hopelessly in love with a taken girl. Her heart ached for Cassandra, she wanted to have her by her side and was convinced Cassandra would have been much better off with her. She obsessed over endless scenarios where she would have stayed with her, but some part of her knew that that would never be the case. Wistful thinking was all it was.