haikyuu! oneshot

tetsurō.k

every touch, gives me goosebumps. my reflex was immediately slap his hand away from me. although, he's my boyfriend.

and there again, i saw the disappointment in his eyes. his smile faltered. it makes me shiver everytime his skin touches mine. it is not the feeling that i like.

"y/n, you know i won't rush you right." he said. but of course his eyes says otherwise. i know he's tired of waiting. even holding hands feel so awkward to me. i know i don't deserve to be in love.

or to be loved.

"i'm sorry tetsurō.. i think you deserve better," my palm still rubbing the spot he touched me. i didn't like being touch at all. it makes my heart skipped a beat. "i will never gets used to being touch tetsurō, even if it's you" although i'm holding a stoic expression, but my heart was aching.

my stomach felt pain, the tears in my eyes welling up. but my fists clenched tight, not wanting to break in front of him. especially when i'm the one who wants this. i don't think my boyfriend can handle me either. he's been waiting too long.

he shouldn't.

"what are you saying y/n.." he trailed. i cannot bear looking at his eyes. his legs step closer towards me, causing me to step backwards. "you know i'll wait for you-"

"it's no use tetsurō! i-i i don't like your touch at all!" i trembled. finally, tears escaped out of my eyes. "i feel nauseous everytime. i hyperventilated in front of you, i caused you trouble!" i saw his legs stop walking. i don't see his tears falling.

all i know, i saw black dots appear before my sight. my head feels light, but i don't want to be touch by anyone. even in my unconsciousness.

"okay then, i guess we're over.. i'm sorry i'm no good for you," i heard he said. the aching in my heart and stomach start to burst. my knees gave up and i yelled in frustration, agony.

he was gone from my sight, from my life.

______________________

10 years ago, i was dressed in my brand new outwear. it was my birthday and my uncle had given me the dress as a gift. i saw the smile on his face, i remember the crease on his eyes.

"y/n-chan, you look so pretty wearing that," he praised. i remember turning back and forth in front of him, showing off the dress as it feels nice on me. i felt like a disney princess.

i was so happy.

not until i heard his trousers slip off his thighs. "uncle?" i innocently asked when i saw his arousal pointing at my face. "what are you doing?" the 8-year old me wouldn't understand.

"come on y/n, be a good girl for uncle 'kay" he said while unzipped my dress. i was so scared. but nobody's home. mom and dad went out for dinner with their client.

i feel helpless.

so when he forced me and touches me on places. i can only scream and scream. there was nobody. nobody saved me.

he continued to assault me, until mom saw what he was doing to me. she was shocked beyond words. especially when he was her brother.

i cried and i cried.

but when my father tried to console me, i jerked away from him. i only allowed mom to hug me and touch me.

i developed the habit since then, i thought it was normal. although my uncle was jailed, but i still feel his presence anywhere when i saw a man.

but i wanted to heal. i don't want to be scared of all men. i want to hug my dad properly, without shaking or crying. i want to fall in love, kiss my lover and i want to feel their affection.

i thought tetsurō was an exception.

that was why i accepted his confession. i wanted to feel the happiness when he touched me. i want to move on from my past. i want to be with tetsurō.

but, i was wrong when i jerked away from him every time. he understood me, but i think he doesn't deserve to wait for me. i think this is the end of our love story.

the end of my book. i can't do it anymore. i felt like i've held onto this feelings too long than should. i cannot let go, so i closed my eyes, waiting for the air to hug my body.

"Y/N!!" my eyes open. i saw tetsurō on the school ground. his eyes watered and worry washed over his face the minute he saw me. his hands open wide. his eyes begged me to stop.

i feel like my legs stucked on the floor of the rooftop before i was engulfed by his arms. i didn't even realized he ran upstairs to stop me. but, the moment i see his eyes tell me to live, i feel like i should give it a chance again.

although it hurts.

"w-why.." he cracked. even though his hands around me, my head feel blank. almost like i forgot about my fear of being touched. "i love you y/n, i really do. so please.."

"please live for me," he cried. i never saw tetsurō ever vulnerable like right now. i turned to face him and flashed him a smile. "i love you too tetsurō,"

i said it. i feel my arms unconsciously hug him back. "thank you so much tetsurō." my voice was muffled by his shirt. i can smell his scent. so much different and far more comforting than that old geezer.

i realized tetsurō was not like him. he won't do harm to me. he loves me.

this will be the new chapter to my book. where i healed and loved by tetsurō. "i want to cure you!"