I Can't Love You

Chapter three

Someone said how much they wanted me to carry on so this is for them ..

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Connor stared directly into my eyes, but I turned. I pushed him with all my strength and he didn't move but soon caught on that I didn't want him pinning me up against a walk. He gazed at me, stunned.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He said as soon as I managed to move from him. What would happen if he kissed me? I look up at him and he's staring at anywhere but me. I look at him nervously push he's dirty blonde hair back and pull on he's shirt. Finally he looks up at me with his emerald green eyes. We look at each other for what seems like an eternity. But a loud thump on the door brings us to reality.

"Salam Sara, would your friend like some food to eat? Are you hungry Khonor" Being Arab mean my mum has a hard time pronouncing C .

"No thanks. I was actually on my way home, my aunt is excepting me and Sara a I have gone over out plan for the English project" He quickly looks at me when he says that but then looks away just as fast.

Conor leaves and I tell my mum I'm feel a bit ill and want to go off to bed. As I lay it my bed I think of all the possibilities of what could have happened. What if he had kissed me, I would have sinned. What if, what if. What if he told Jess, what if I lost my best friend. All these thoughts were running around my head at a hundred miles an hour but I didn't want to think anymore so I slept.

"Beep"

"Beep"

"Beeeeeeeeeep"

I slam my hands down on the alarm as I wake up for school, I quickly shower and put on a a grey hijab,black jumper jeans and my doc martens. No make up I don't feel like it today. I don't feel like anything this morning. My mind is still filled with images of Conor eyes looking at me with such hunger and lust. I couldn't get it out of my mind. My thoughts are interrupted by my phone as it rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Sar? You ready, I'll be at your house in five."

I quickly say my goodbyes to mum and dad as my mum lectures me about skipping breakfast. I grab my ray bans from the key cabinet and make my way over to Jess's car. I look through the windows and wonder where Conor is. Why wasn't he with her? Was he avoiding having to see me?

"Hey what happened to you last night, you never replied to any of my calls or texts? Jess asked.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep. I was tired after Conor came around."

"Oh yeah he told me he left a bit early, the sweetheart came to see me. We hung out. It was kind of funny actual......."

I zone out as Jess continues to talk about how her and Conor hung out and made out. An anger boils inside of me. Jealousy? What did I have to be jealous of? Conor wasn't my boyfriend he wasn't even my friend so why did I fill this rage building up inside of me. Just the thought of him with her made my skin crawl.

"Hey Sar. SAR!"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay? Sar your gripping onto the door handle really hard. I look and my hands and my knuckles are white from how hard I've held the handle. I'm fine I say to Jess. We walk in silence, while Jess stops every once in a while to say hi to some random. We finally reach he locker to see Conor waiting for her. He looks at Jess and smiles, I wait for him to look at me but he doesn't even look at me, almost like he's pretending I'm not there. Before they have be chance to start kissing in front of me I storm of to English. After about five minutes Conor comes into he class, lips visibly red as and indication of what he did with. Her. I zone out for the rest of the lesson untill the teacher tells me to go help Conor to collect books for the class.

"No miss it's okay I can do i.." He says

"No. Sara will help you that's the end of it. We walk in silence to the library as we collect the books. He keeps ignoring me and walks faster like he's on his own. It begin to annoy me. His sneakers begin to make a squeaky sound as he walks.

"THATS IT!" I shout. He finally turns and Looks at me, the first time today.

"Why do you keep ignoring me?" He Just stares at me. I walk close and as again.

"Why?" He still doesn't say anything. I march up to him until we are face to face only inches between us. His hands trail up my sides and curl around my waist and he beings his head close to my ears through the fabric of my hijab.

"Because I know that if I do. I won't be able to stop myself." He pushes me into the camera room in the Library and locks the door.

"If I look at you, I won't be able to stop myself from doing this." His hands slid up my sides slowly as though I'm the most delicate thing in the world, until he reaches my cheek he pulls my face up and being his lips down slowly to mine, lightly gracing them against my own. He looks into my eyes mentally asking permission to deepen the kiss and I give him the answer by crashing his lips to mine. Throwing all self control out the window.

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Next chapter In Conor's POV. I had given up on this book but as shocked at the response it's gotten since the start of the year. And for those of you that comment and vote this is for you and I'll be posting more often now? How doss on or two chapters a week sound? :D

And as for questions about if I'm Muslim? I'm not answering anything to do with me, the character yes but me no. I want to stay anonymous but when the time is right ill reveal more about my self all you guys need to know is iiamfreedom :)

Hugs and kisses xxx