little do you know: the december drabbles // niall horan au

day 10: hot chocolate (in which a confession is made)

Niall's skin burned when he walked back into the cabin, the soothing warmth seeping into his body and thawing his bones. Zayn nearly toppled him over when he pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, his body heat lessening the light tingles of Niall's muscles reacquainting themselves with the warmth. Before he knew it, Harlow was hugging him from behind, Liam and Harry joining shortly thereafter. The mixture of their warm temperatures took the chill right out of Niall's skin, and suddenly his heart grew heavy with remorse. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, voice so quiet he could barely hear himself. "I'm sorry."

"God, why are you apologizing?" Zayn muttered into his shoulder. "I was the one being cruel. I'm so, so sorry, I didn't mean any of it the way it came out."

Niall didn't have anything to say so he just apologized again and excused himself, desperate to get out of his clothes, which seemed to have absorbed the icy chill from outside. All he wanted was to be alone. The fiery rage that had been running rampant inside of him was now smothered, a heaviness settling in his limbs and he was suddenly incredibly exhausted.

He returned to sit by the fire, wrapped up in another hoodie and some warm sweatpants, quietly mumbling to his friends that he wished to be left to himself. Harry opened his mouth to retort but Liam stopped him, instead gesturing for them to file out and leave Niall be. With frowns etched onto their faces, Liam, Harry, Zayn, and Harlow retreated to their rooms, a breath gushing out of Niall's lips when he was finally able to settle into the couch. His eyes were fluttering shut when Mona was walking out of the kitchen, a mug of a steaming beverage clutched in her hands.

"Hot chocolate?" she offered with a smile, and Niall tried to return it, only to fail miserably. He thanked her, expecting her to leave, except she lingered for a few moments. "Do you want something to eat? I can reheat dinner if you'd like."

"'M fine," he said, though the statement was far from the truth.

Mona sighed, cautiously eyeing him before settling down on the couch beside him. She looked at him for a moment before timidly wrapping her arms around his torso. It almost felt like second nature when he welcomed her touch, setting down the mug so he could drape his arms around her more snugly. Mona brushed her nose over the skin of his neck before letting out a short laugh. "You know," she began, "when I saw you sitting on that tree stump, the first thing I thought of was a story I heard about some dude who went to find the North Pole with his friends. But then he got some severe frostbite and his toes were so damaged that they had to amputate like six of them."

Niall snorted. "That makes me feel a lot better."

She sat up then, willing him to meet her gaze before giving him a small smile. "My point is...I was worried."

Something snapped in him when he met her eyes, those distinctly dark browns that twinkled like glittering stars, but that might've just been the reflection of the crackling fire behind him. He took a deep breath, and felt the nonsense that was curling up his throat, a sign that he was on the verge of a breakdown. He tried in vain to swallow it down. He was about to freak out in front of a beautiful girl and there was nothing that could be done to stop it. "The dude's name was Robert Peary. He was a naval officer who claimed to be the first person, along with his crew or whatever, to reach the geographical North Pole. But his toes froze because he was probably really fucking careless and they had to amputate eight of them not six."

Mona's eyes widened. He knew she wouldn't ask about how he knew all of that useless information because she wasn't the judgmental type, but he explained anyway.

"When I was growing up, the only book we had in our house was this old encyclopedia and it was huge." He gestured the approximate size of the book with his hands, grateful to see that Mona's eyes hadn't clouded over with sympathy yet. "And I didn't really like reading but I read that stupid thing a lot because it distracted me from when my dad and my brother would scream at each other because—shit, we were just really fucking poor and they were always fighting and I never knew why." Niall's voice was cracking and it physically pained him to continue, but he did anyway. In some way, it felt as if a huge burden was being lifted off his chest with every word he spoke. "And the section with this Peary bloke was one of my favorites because the man had this huge moustache, I mean, it was absolutely ridiculous, and it always amused me because when my dad had lost his shave kit, he'd grown one just like it." His breath was shuddering and his lips were trembling but he couldn't stop. "And—"

Mona wrapped her arms around him, pulling into a tight embrace, and then he couldn't help it anymore, three heavy sobs rattling from his chest in quick succession, but he battled on.

"And I read that encyclopedia so many times until I had every word fucking memorized and I could recite it in my sleep. So that's how I got the scholarship to NYU because I'd been working for this restaurant as a waiter and this bloke was having a meeting with a man in a Burberry suit, and I guess they were in the middle of an interview. But every word coming out of that bloke's mouth was pure nonsense, and I couldn't help myself, so I casually corrected him but then it turned into a heated debate about who was right and whatnot. Obviously I was right because I had all these useless facts lodged in my brain, but I still lost my job there." Mona's hands were delicately stroking his spine, and he caught his breath to continue. "But then something happened and I met Burberry suit again and he said that he would help me apply to NYU because I impressed him. And that's how I ended up here."

Niall hadn't ever cried in front of another person before, but he was sort of glad that it was Mona holding him together and not one of the lads because he still associated her with comfort, with her minty smelling skin and her understanding eyes, and he just really fucking liked her. So he didn't stop the tears from flowing because crying dulled the ache in his chest, and Mona didn't say anything, just held him, swaying side to side and pressing her lips to his temple.

"You're okay," she murmured into his skin. She was soft and warm. Something about her seeped into him and lodged into his heart. "You're okay now."

"I'm okay now," he echoed.

They'd remained wrapped up in each other for a few more lingering moments before Niall brushed his tears away and Mona pulled him up from the couch, leading them to the kitchen. "Come on," she said with a smile, flicking Niall's chin and then he was smiling as well. "Let's go make some more hot chocolate."