Love is blind

At Last

Thomas sat there in the servants hall, warming himself by the fire. The past few days had been a real drag, and he hadn't spoken to Jimmy in what felt like ages.
It angered him how he couldn't just let the footman go. It wasn't fair on Jimmy and it sure as hell wasn't fair on him. What had he done to become condemned to this kind of life? A life where he felt alone and where every night he'd have to tell himself that when he wakes up in the morning, nothing will have changed.
It often felt like Jimmy was his only real friend in the world. Since they'd put his nasty mistake behind them, Thomas had a confusing mix of emotions floating around in his head.
For one, happiness; of course he was glad Jimmy wanted to be his friend. God knows how where he'd be right now if Jimmy hadn't forgiven him. Then he also felt sadness. He knew that Jimmy was trying his best to forget about what happened, and he truly appreciated it aswell, but he couldn't deny the endless longing he still had for the footman. In all his years no one had made him feel the same way Jimmy did. He felt safe around him, at home.
And the third emotion was that of hopelessness. There was simply no chance of him ever finding a pure love. That was just a fact Thomas had difficultly learnt to accept. And that continuously made him feel despair.
As he sat, staring into the golden flames, he felt sleep crawling up on him. Recently, it felt like Jimmy and himself had been drifting further and further apart. His courtship of Ivy left him feeling both jealous and blue, whilst Jimmy would come in and talk about how their relationship was growing. Thomas would smile, make a sly joke of some sort and then try to forget about it. But as he sat by the fire, all sorts of depressing thoughts lay elusive in his mind.
Sighing to himself, he slowly gathered the energy to stand. It was late, and bed was probably the best option for him right now.
Suddenly, Thomas heard the back door close, and the shuffling of feet against the floor come closer to him. He peered down the corridor to the door and found Jimmy lurching towards him in a drunken manner.
His blonde hair was in a mess and his eyes were slightly red. He looked as if he'd been...crying?
"James?" Thomas asked trying to sound calm. "Are you alright?"
"No," he answered blatantly.
"Have you been drinking?"
"Take a guess," he said with an undertone of sarcasm.
"Come on you ought to go to bed."
Ignoring Thomas, Jimmy slumped down on a chair. Pretty much everyone was upstairs by now, which was handy for Jimmy; if Carson saw him like this...
"I screwed it up." Jimmy said, a slight crack in his voice. Sighing again, Thomas sat opposite him, though keeping his distance.
"What have you done now then eh?" Thomas asked in a friendly tone.
Sniffing, Jimmy said, "It's Ivy. She told me I wasn't treating her right, that I 'want too much' or that she thinks I'd be better off with someone else."
Thomas didn't really know what to say, though he did feel bad for Jimmy. He hated to see him so upset.
"I'm sorry Jimmy, truly I am. Maybe you could try and talk to her about it tomorrow when you've got a clearer head. She must know she can't pass up a chance with you," Thomas said trying to lighten the mood.
"That's it though, there's no chance, not now."
"And why not? You treated her well if you're askin' me, and if she doesn't see it well then you've gone for the wrong gal."
"I don't think I'll ever find the right girl."
Thomas sighed. "Well, neither will I, so I s'pose that puts us in the same boat."
Jimmy lifted his head and stared and Thomas. Suddenly, he shifted his chair much closer to Thomas'.
"No, Thomas. I won't find the right girl, because no girl is right for me."
The serious and now sober look on Jimmy's face confused Thomas, a lot. Frowning, Thomas tried to change the subject slightly, "Right, well we ought to get to bed Jimmy, it's late..."
"Mr Barrow," Jimmy interrupted, "Listen to me, no girl is right for me." He paused, Thomas still very confused.
"You're not gettin' this are you?" He asked weakly. Thomas shook his head dumbfounded.
Irritated, Jimmy turned away from Thomas.
"The reason I'm so upset about Ivy, is because I thought it would be the best way to cover it up. I've tried, and I've tried do deny the feelings that I have, and Ivy was a way of forgetting them." Turning back to Thomas, he rather forwardly grabbed his hand.
"Ever since we decided to be friends, I've wanted to be anything but that. I see it now, I see your beauty and I see your kindness and every time I see you my heart feels like it wants to explode."
Jimmy's big eyes looked at Thomas, desperately seeking a response. Thomas just couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that the one man loved actually loved him back. But then the doubts creeped in. Slipping his hand out of Jimmy's grasp, he laughed nervously saying, "Come on Jimmy, that's the drink talking, you don't mean any of this."
Jimmy let out a loud sigh, "Yes I do Thomas! I do! I've just tried conceal it for so long that I feel like I'm fit to burst now!" Jimmy put his hands on Thomas' shoulders and came close.
"And this is to show you just how real my feelings are."
He leaned in a suddenly kissed Thomas on the lips. Thomas didn't move, but his body felt calm as Jimmy's soft lips caressed his own. It wasn't passionate, but it was good. Pulling back, Jimmy looked at him and said tiredly, "now do you see?"
Thomas gave him the most genuine smile and said, "Yes. Yes I do see," and pulled him in for another kiss.