Still Unknown

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

If you were thinking that this applies to my love relationship , it's a no.
Everything has changed by tay and ed was a love song for me back then, but now it changed .

Everything has changed when i was 14, well not literally but  that's when it all started. Months before this day ,i just woke up feeling distant about my mom. I can't really say thats she have change but I can't deny there is something different.

You see growing up as a child i have a dream for my future. Even when the most devastating times of our family it didn't change, but now i felt lost.
It's like i need to come up with a new future, i thought it was settled, change is scary. A home is suddenly not a home anymore. And the person I'm willing to give everything to and love more than myself,  is not that person anymore.

I'm not so sad , definitely not that happy. I'm just waking up and eating and studying for a future that won't come anymore. It's not that i can't create a new one. It's just that my heart is breaking so much. If i were to tell the 7 years old me the situation our family is currently in she wouldn't accept it, her life will be ruined. Maybe because i experience so much that i can endure this much but, atleast here I wanted to be honest.

I , the seventeen year old me
Still love my mom so much, I'd still take a bullet for her and I'd protect my brother at all cost, I'd be there for them two. Because they are my family.

I , the seventeen year old me however is living her life for herself. Not studying for anyone but for herself.
The future that is uncertain for now ,
There is only her in there. It's sad because I've been living for 17 years for a future with my mom , with my once a happy family. But i got to accept that it won't happen anymore.

To the seventeen year old me , if even I'm reading this in the future. You're doing well... There may not be a person right now in your life where that person would take a bullet for you, however, you got yourself.
Be strong , No one will save you from your tears, because you're living for yourself now. Be free. Fly high.