Family Business

Chapter 3: King of Childcare

Dean huffed in annoyance as he went through the different highchairs. There was something so confusing about all this shit.

"Real wood... But this one has a locking tray..." Dean looked over to one on its own display. "That one has a fucking spotlight. What is it even-"

"Hello, squirrel."

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin, the basket he was holding falling to the ground. "Son of a bitch."

"My, my, my. Judging by the contents of that basket, I don't think we should be using that kind of language." Crowley kneeled, his arm sweeping behind him to keep his coat back as he picked up some of Dean's spilled basket. "Diapers, toddler's clothes, children's vitamins... If I didn't know better, I'd say you were having a little bundle of joy."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Good to see you, too. Don't play dumb, Crowley, you're little dogs were all over the place."

"That's odd, I didn't know they had let Juliet out."

"You know what I mean."

Crowley watched as Dean threw the rest of his shopping back into his basket, then hitched one of the highchairs over his shoulder. The hunter made to walk away, but Crowley cleared his throat and Dean stopped.

"I heard through the proverbial grape vine that someone's prophet died, and there was quite a panic downstairs when the new prophet turned out to be a 2 year old baby. I heard the angels showed up, and somewhere in the scuffle, a 'trenchcoated half-mortal' pulled a disappearing act with the kid."

Dean refused to answer.

"I had a feeling your little band of misfits might have kept the little tyke."

Crowley picked up a little pair of princess-style shoes on the display next to him, checked the tag, and held them up for Dean's approval. "This is my contribution to the little princess's closet, okay? What kind of uncle would I be if I didn't get her a gift?"

"The kind of uncle I would expect the King of Hell to be like," Dean said honestly. "Why are you doing this? Are you going to wait till we're all distracted and take her back to your lair?"

Crowley just rolled his eyes. "How very trusting, Dean. I'd expect more from my other half."

"Cut the crap. What's the game here?"

"No game," Crowley said, his voice sincere. "I may be a crossroads demon, but I'm not a monster. Kids are off limits."

Dean cocked an eyebrow, but didn't respond right away. He was waiting for Crowley to continue.

"Oh, come on!" Crowley let out a growl, his face contorted in anger. "I'm not the bad guy here, Dean. Who do you think called off the demons tracking your boy Friday there? I'm taking shit up the arse over being soft for you, but here I am, trying to clean up this mess. A two year old is off limits, Dean."

Dean finally let a hint of a smile ghost over his face. "Aw, Crowley. Who knew you were just a big softie for the kiddies?"

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When Jody and Sam heard the main doors of the bunker open, they were fully expecting Dean to come tumbling in, bags of children's supplies overflowing in his arms. What they weren't expecting was Crowley to come tumbling after Dean, his own arms piled high with kiddie furniture and clothes.

"What the hell, Dean?"

Dean looked between his brother and Crowley, then gave a half-shrug. "I ran into a friend at the store."

"And you don't think he's going to grab Beretta and pop back down to Hell?"

"Wait," Crowley said, cutting off whatever answer Dean had poised on his tongue. "Her name is Beretta?"

"That's what the list of all prophets says," Cas said, coming through the side room and into the main entry way. "I think her dad was a gun collector. There was a few gun safes in the house."

Crowley let out a sigh. "I'm so glad she's fallen into this family's hands."

Jody shook her head a little. "Did you get everything on the list?"

Dean gave her a sure nod. "We've got some furniture still in the car, but I've got the clothes and the snacks you asked for right here."

Jody and Sam went to unload the car, while Crowley, Cas, and Dean started on the room for the baby. Donna and the girls had finished painting a few hours ago, and now, Claire was tucked in the corner, Beretta curled into her lap.

"You guys brought home a demon. Yay. You lay a hand on Retta, I stake you myself."

"Noted," Crowley said, setting down a bag of clothes. He headed for the dresser by the wall and began folding and putting away each thing. Cas and Dean were carefully clearing out the old bed to make room for the toddler's bed they'd gotten today. Once Crowley had put away the clothes, he rocked the dresser forward and hummed.

"This should be drilled down."

"We'll do that when we put the other stuff together, Sam will bring the tools up when he gets in."

Crowley just shrugged and moved to take the little girl from Claire. "May I?"

Claire gave Crowley and tense look, but after a moment, passed the baby over. "She's fussy right now, she keeps asking for her parents. Just don't drop her, you bastard."

Crowley made a face and wiggled a hand in Beretta's face. The toddler giggled, then latched onto Crowley's finger and said "Ba!"

"What is she trying to say?" Dean asked. They were still getting used to the way the toddler spoke, trying to get through her little accented lisps.

"Bada gives wave!"

"I think she's saying the 2-year-old's version of 'bastard'," Crowley said wryly. "No, sweetie, I'm Crowley. Can you say Crowley?"

"Crow! Crow is a bird!"

"Smart kid," Claire said with a snort. "You are a bit like a bird in that get up."

Crowley just turned his back, the tail of his coat fluttering behind him. "Come on, Beretta, let's go get you a nice bath. You've had a long day."

The sound of Crowley chatting to the child echoed down the hall as he left, Beretta babbling all the way. Dean, Cas, and Claire all settled against the far wall, waiting for Jody and Sam to bring everything else up.

"You know, she's going to start asking some real questions soon," Claire said. "She already asked me a few times about her parents."

Dean shrugged. "We tell her the truth, then. It's not like we can lie, not when she's being raised by 7 hunters, a demon, and an angel. Oh, and the ghost in the kitchen, right? She's not going to have a normal childhood, Claire."

Cas leaned around and put a hand on Claire's knee. "But we don't have to be unfeeling. We can be loving about it, you know? Even Crow has his moments."

Claire could help but snort. It wasn't like this was the worst family the toddler could land in, especially when there was a whole world of monsters coming after her. And besides. Crow wasn't a half-bad father-figure in the grand scheme of things.