His Promise: The Mafia's Babies // MOVED TO RADISH/GOODNOVEL

CHAPTER 10

When I walked into the clinic with my hoodie pulled over my head I had hoped for it to be a quick visit, just like I had expected for them to remove the baby as soon as possible, but they didn't.

I knew that I woke up in the morning, excited and perhaps even happy to remove the baby but each time reality kicked in I'd feel guilty and thought about how much I wanted to have something of my own. If I had this child I would never be alone, but if I had this child it would be yet another mouth to feed and babies were expensive. The costs of $13,000 a year shocked me and definitely helped me with my decision.

That amount of money on top of what I had to pay for myself was ridiculously much and unrealistic. For me to make that much extra I would have to work as hard as a horse.

As if speaking over the phone wasn't enough, I had yet again another assessment appointment before the date for the abortion would even be arranged. As each day passed I got more and more attached to the baby growing inside of me and at times would even touch my flat tummy which barely showed any signs of pregnancy.

I understood both the counselor and doctor were doing their job, but questions as to why I wanted to have an abortion, and where the father was made me doubt myself and wonder if it was more so fear over money. Fear of having to do it alone and fear of not being able to tell Christian in case he calls me names or rejects the baby. The last thing I'd expect for someone like Christian was to accept the baby with open arms. Would he even like children? Did he even want children?

Every now and then the counselor asked me if I was still sure about my decision, and that would probably be due to the fact of me pulling strange faces after hearing about the process, associated risks and complications, and most of all, my face when I heard the price and learned that it's not covered by my insurance.

I had not prepared myself for another ultrasound and had promised myself to not look at the screen, but I couldn't help myself when I heard a heartbeat. Something inside of me, something which wouldn't betray me or walk out my life like almost everyone did, and it had a heartbeat.

I had not noticed I was crying until I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but surprisingly enough I wasn't sad. I was crying because of happiness, I was crying because I couldn't remember the last time that I had focused on listening to a heartbeat, including my own but yet here I was, listening to my baby's heartbeat. My baby...

Whenever those words went through my head I would have a change of mind and thought about what life could be like. Yes, a thirteen-week old baby which I did not plan on having turned out to be the first thing in a very long time to cause me happy tears.

I suddenly felt grateful for the assessment and the fact that I didn't sign anything. When the doctor removed the transducer from my stomach I had almost yelled at him to put it back but wasted no time to sit back up straight and covered my stomach in a protective matter.

"This was a mistake." That was all I told him as he gave me a look of pity. "Don't be so hard on yourself, a better word to put it is unp-"

"No, you don't get it, coming here was a mistake!" I said back irritated and pulled my hoodie over my head. "Oh...so no follow up appointment?" The doctor who was surprised by my sudden switch asked.

"Absolutely not, just forget I was here, matter of fact let's just ignore these past two hours because that way you don't have to charge me. I could really use that money towards diapers!" I told him a bit too enthusiastic and jumped up to grab my bag. "Uhm?" The doctor tried speaking but couldn't find any words.

"Yes I know, you must be worrying about me even more now, but I'm fine. Thank you for everything, including the free ultrasound but I really have to go now, bye!" That was all I said and walked out while the doctor called my name.