For All He Couldn't Give Her

It couldn't be. Merlin stumbled aimlessly through the corridors of the great castle, his vision blurry from unshed tears he'd been so valiantly fighting, as he felt the weight of destiny on his shoulders, crushing the air out of his lungs at the dragon's latest revelation. It shouldn't be like that, there should be some other way. But he saw her, just earlier, leading the king into an ambush; just a first step to becoming Albion's greatest enemy. To leaving him... she had become such a good friend to him and understood him better than anyone, even though she couldn't know.

He stopped in his way when he saw her hazy figure appear at the end of the badly lit hallway. Promptly, he wiped his eyes in case a tear had escaped, and straightened his posture to face the First Lady of Camelot in all her glory. Lady Morgana. Dressed in her green gown, as soon she saw him her lips turned into a kind smile as she called out his name softly, in such a heavenly voice.... she did not look at all like the hateful witch the dragon had told him she would become. She looked like a girl surrounded by darkness, like a good thing that it had been trying to corrupt, and it breaks his heart to know that soon it will succeed. That she is destined to fight against the future he'd been risking so much for, to become so full of evil and hatred. But what breaks him even more is that he was not allowed to help her. No, the dragon had even told him he should kill her.... but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
He knew what the future held for them, and he hated feeling like he was slowly losing her. With each passing day her smiles got more rare, to cover her sadness, her fear, her anger and he will have to let it all continue until she is gone completely. She will hate him, and he will hate himself. That's what fate dictates.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her talking to him, only figuring out she had been because of her confused frown, as if she had been waiting for an answer. "Are you sure you're quite well, Merlin?" she said, but he wasn't paying attention.
He felt like time was running out. As if that moment right there would be the last he would get before hell broke loose, and that if he let her walk away now he would never get another chance.... Chance for what? He couldn't change destiny, so what could he do?

He didn't know, but what he did know was that he had to do something, because every moment counted. Desperate for an answer, but not able to find one, he brought his focus on the subject of his inner turmoil and, inadvertently, he took a step closer in her direction, knowing well he could get punished for what he was about to do, but not having enough energy left in him to care. Without saying a word, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into the fiercest hug he had ever given anyone, holding on to her as if she was about to fade away. As if she would dissolve into thin air any moment. As if he needed her to breathe.

At first, he felt her stiffen at his sudden proximity, and was afraid she would push him away or slap him across the face or call for the guards. But she did none of that. Instead, after the initial shock, she sunk into his embrace and he felt her arms slowly wrap around him, hugging him back with the same strength as him.

They stood there, locked into a firm embrace, in the middle of the badly lit hallway, not caring about anything else, only knowing that in that moment nothing else mattered but them.
"I'm sorry" he managed to whisper, even though he knew she couldn't understand his heartfelt apology. How could she? But he had to say it.

I'm sorry

For all the things he meant but couldn't say. For all the things he had said but didn't mean. For all the love that could never come to be. For all the hatred that will replace it. It would never be enough, but at least it was something, right?

A hug, he thought... for all the things he couldn't give her.