If only

Losing

But I am quiet and still. My limbs frozen by the pit in my core. My mind empty, searching for answers, wanting to ask questions. The alternative I find is to replay the scenes. Every moment I remember spins me into someplace far. Nobody knows where I've gone, and I doubt any cares. You're on my mind...more than you should be.

Rather my eyes scanning a crowded room for your face than my heart, to be disappointed when I don't find you. One look, two nods, three words and four steps. That's all it takes for me to leave and for you to go.

And in the space of nothing is where everything happens in the presence of thoughts. What could've been, but wasn't.

Now is when I doubt whether I'm worth it even; was I ever worth the attention or the love? Nothing I ever achieved allowed me to receive such affection, so why I did, I'd never know.

Darkness is how it looks when I go to this place. Never did I want to arrive here, but the loneliness swallows me whole. Questions better left unanswered now need be asked.

Over the Moon I went when you were here, and now on the grass I lay. The wind tickling my hair and the sun baking my skin, is the warmth I felt when I was with you.

Never did I want a life without you, because I know what we had was true. It was the only real thing I experienced in this world, and I let it go. Whether I'd ever get it back, I'd never know.