worlds away , louis partridge

𝒙𝒍𝒊𝒊. changed

𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒊𝒔' 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒘

I THINK I'M GOING through withdrawals.
Except these aren't from drugs or anything of the sort. These are toxic and addictive relationship withdrawals.

When Claire and I first split up almost a year ago, I didn't feel the way I'm feeling now. Obviously, I felt hurt, like a piece of me was ripped out forcefully, but now all I feel is betrayal. A more unique kind of ache.

None of it makes a lick of sense to me however. Thousands upon thousands of questions it's like have filled my brain ever since I left Ryan's home last night. Most of them were surrounded by Claire's wrong-doings. Except some of them were even about Ryan.

The saddening part about this situation isn't even me. It's the fact that Ryan comforted me during the whole thing.

I know, that's Ryan's whole personality and she's plainly just like that, but she simply doesn't deserve this. Personally I've never gone through it. Yet I spent my entire night, when I was supposed to be fast asleep, contemplating on if I should apologize to her or not.

Knowing her, she would be yelling at me, telling me to not apologize "for saying my feelings" or whatever. I can't help myself though. I bet it's difficult to fix a person so dearly and all they do is overthink/run back towards the person who breaks their heart.

I still feel some thoughts in the back of my mind such as "Does Ryan think I still have feelings for Claire?" or "Did I use Ryan not too long ago?"

After me telling her I like her and everything, you'd think I wouldn't be upset about Claire cheating a whole year ago. Don't get me wrong, I do have strong feelings for Ryan. But, I've convinced myself that I have the right to be upset.

I guess.

It doesn't even sound right once I truly think about it. Do I have the right to be distressed? It's been a full damn year, Louis.

As you can see, I'm going back-in-forth between the 2. It feels as if I have been since the night before. It's caused me to become frustrated with myself.