The Void You Left Behind - [Bakugou x Reader]

Chapter 11 - Reflection

Chapter specific warnings - excessive alcohol consumption, y/n is a mess

Sighing, you were standing on the small ladder that you had propped up in your kitchen. You were currently cleaning out each cupboard and drawer, scrubbing every inch of the room. You didn't quite know why, but a few days ago you had had the sudden urge to clean the entire house.

You had started with the laundry room and pantry and were now almost done with your kitchen. You weren't just cleaning the surfaces, you were also throwing away everything that wasn't of any value to you. You hated that you owned so many unnecessary things.

It felt good to rid yourself of the dust and baggage that was weighing you down. At least you thought that that was the reason why you felt this heavy. You very much tried to deny that the reason for your misery was how much you missed both, Eiji and Katsuki.

It had now officially been half a year since Eiji passed away and you had no idea how you managed to hold on for that long, especially over the past three months. Because that was precisely how long you hadn't seen Katsuki. Three months without his warmth and comfort, it had been difficult at best.

You occasionally texted each other, but nothing more than that. You hadn't even heard his voice in all this time. It was as though he was drifting away from you just like Eiji had six months ago. The only difference was that you could easily bridge the rift between you and Katsuki - you simply chose not to.

It wasn't that you didn't want to be around him, you actually missed him more than you could put into words. You trusted him more than anyone else, but you didn't trust yourself when you were around him. All those feelings he had caused inside of you were dangerous territory to you, and you were afraid to enter those uncharted waters. You felt like you might drown if you did.

You couldn't throw yourself into those kindling feelings, you couldn't betray Eiji like that. You had to stay away from Katsuki until the electricity that had sparked between you was gone. No matter what anyone else was saying, you were a married woman.

You wiped your forehead with your sleeve, your sweat leaving a wet patch on the fabric. You looked at your finished work and smiled a little.

"I don't think the kitchen has ever been this clean before, Eiji," you said. "What do you think?"

But there was no answer. There hadn't been an answer to any of your one-sided conversations over the past months.

You shrugged your shoulders. "Well, I think it's spotless. I'll do the office next." You grabbed all your cleaning supplies and walked up the stairs.

Lightly humming, you started emptying all the shelves and drawers, placing everything in the middle of the room. You sprayed the furniture with cleaner and started scrubbing and wiping away.

"I can't believe you're making me do all of this on my own, Eiji. I remember you telling me how we'd always split the chores evenly. So much to that," you giggled softly.

The familiar silence didn't surprise you, you had learned not to expect an answer. You couldn't remember when exactly you had started talking to Eiji as if he was still with you, but you had accepted it as your new normal. You didn't realise how peculiar this behaviour was and that you were essentially talking to yourself. In your isolated state, you had started to find comfort in these one-sided conversations.

Talking to your husband almost felt cathartic, as though it was ridding you of your fears and anxiety. But only a bit, it still wasn't enough to free you from the depression you had fallen into over the past six months. You were trying to pretend that you were fine, but deep down, you knew that you were far from okay.