Izuku Midoriya Gets Sold to One Direction

What have i done?

"Son, we need to talk." Inko said as she put dinner in front of her son. Today's meal was Chef Boyardee ravioli and Mountain Dew with flaming hot Cheetos for dessert. It was a much fancier dinner than what they usually had. Something was up.
"Yes mother who I love dearly and who would never sell me to a popular British boy band to pay off her student loan?"
"Son, I'm selling you to a popular British boy band to pay off my student loan."
"Fuck."
"I have no choice, deku. I owe a ton of money and I already sold your father."
"But you said dad was on a business trip."
"He's been gone for thirteen years dumbass. This is why you're getting sold before the cat."
"But fluffy pooped on my bed last week."
"It's because she hates you."
"Mom, you're making me sad. I'm going to go listen to my chemical romance."
"There's no time. Your new parents are at the door."
The door opened and in walked...
Oh my god...
"Is that one direction?"
"I don't care if it's two doors down. As long as I get paid you could end up where'veer."
"Oh my god one direction is buying me!"
"That's right Izuku." Harry styles said brittishly "Welcome to the one direction wattpad human trafficking ring."
"I'm the luckiest boy in the whole world." Izuku screamed as Zane patted him on his hair, which was green from algae and not being washed. This wasn't the one direction Zayn.  It was Zane from the Uglies series which would've made 13 year old me much happier. He was here to promote the Netflix movies coming in 2021 but will only be here for this one scene. Watch Uglies for 13 year old me please. Zane out.
"We're going to take you to our house" Louis said.
"And you deserve better dinner than this." The other two members whose names I forgot picked up the ravioli and threw it at the wall with their bare hands like apes.
It was hot.
Izuku's new dads took him to their house which was pretty dope but there was a small problem.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED
In izuku's room which he had to himself.
But he had never had his own room before. He had shared his old room with the ghost of his older brother who was killed in that room by a serial killer who they never found.
Being alone made him scared and he cried.
Usually when he cried Bakugou would hear it from three blocks away and run over to throw rocks at his window and laugh at him until he stopped but Bakugou was too far away to hear now.
And then Harry styles and Louis came in.
"Oh no are you okay?" Louis asked.
"I'm scared." Midoriya cried.
"Would you like us to stay with you until you fall asleep?"
"Yess please dad and dad."
And then Harry and Louis sang my chemical romance to him until he fell asleep. What an eventful day!

...

When Izuku woke up the next morning one direction had made him waffles and spaghetti for breakfast. He grabbed a slice of toast and left for school.
"Have a good day at school son." The entirety of One direction said to him as he was leaving. He left the house feeling warm and fuzzy. Having dads was great.
The warm and fuzzy didn't last long. Bakugou met him on the walk and tripped him.
"Hey nerd loser what's up?"
"Not much I just got bought by popular British boy band, one direction."
"Haha your a loser."
"What did you say about our son?" zayn from one direction appeared behind Bakugou. All of the one direction boys were here now and they physically assaulted Bakugou.
"Oh thank you I'm so happy!" Izuku said.
"Let us walk you to school" one of the other two members said.
"ThBk you yes."

...

Bakugou was pissed. How had deku gotten five whole dads? Bakugou only had one. And he sucked.
"I'm going to make him pay." Bakugou said to himself.
He called up the best assassin he knew, the one he had once used to take out deku's brother.
"Peppa pig I need your help."

...

Peppa pig came over to one direction manor one day to kill one direction but when she got there Harry styles was cooking dinner in an apron and he looked hot and Louis was watching Peppa Pig's favourite show and zayn was singing karaoke and he sounded really nice and the other two were playing video games or some shit idk. Also Peppa pig can not legally kill another British person so she was intimidated and left without them knowing.

...

"Next time that guy picks on you, just marry his mom and become his step dad." Louis suggested, setting up that other fanfic I wrote because this is a prequel to Pig Assault.
"That's a great idea." Midoriya would absolutely try that. Maybe it would work.

...

"Inosuke Hashibira, my close friend and confidant, the only person I trust in the whole world..." Bakugou started as he subtly lowered the picture of Kirishima on his desk so it was face down, "I need you to complete a task for me."
"Do I get to kill something?" Inosuke asked
"Yes. In fact, it is required." Bakugou steepled his fingers. He was sitting in an evil lair so it was very fitting and scary.
"Oh good! I do like fighting opponents."
"I know you do, and you're the best in the business." Bakugou nodded sullenly. "I recently hired an assassin to take out a popular British boy band but she got charmed into falling in love with them and now I need to end her as payback. You must venture into the forest and vanquish this beast."
"Hell yeah." Inosuke raised his swords in the triumph he certainly would not be feeling later when Peppa would launch him into space.
"Excellent. Hopefully you will kill her and we won't have to see her again and I won't get beaten up by her and then saved by deku who has become my step dad."
"Obviously I will." Inosuke ran off to vanquish Peppa pig. 
Meanwhile Bakugou had to get rid of the original problem. He went to one directions house with a gun or something idk. But one direction transformed into their magical girl forms and beat him up.
"Thank you one direction. You're my heroes." Izuku cheered.
"No izuku, you're ours." Harry styles beamed. "But now we must leave you."
"Huh? Why?"
"We've tAught you all that we know. You're free to live as you wish now."
"But Harry louis zayn and the other two, how will I go on living without all my dads?"
"You will find a way." Zayn said, ruffling izuku's hair. Then one direction floated away as the Littlest Hobo theme song played and Izuku cried.
This had been the best weekend of his life.