-Charles' point of view.-
No blade was ever meant to touch another mutant or human in the ways of depression. Was never meant to tear their flesh reminding them of the pain. A pain that cut through another - the other buried so far down that it would eventually claw it's way to the top and they repeat it, until they were far closer to death than they realised it. And it was from that alone that I hated it when Erik was alone with his thoughts, no matter the distance between us.
He thought I didn't know they were there. The silvery white lines that marked the tops and the insides of his thighs. Hidden from everyone. Those that littered his wrists, small enough to be concealed.
But I knew they were there and it wasn't just his thoughts that gave him away. I had seen them in the dim lighting of whatever room we were in, exposing all the broken pieces of him, as we made love. Love he didn't think he deserved and something I tried to show otherwise.
But I never spoke to him of them, terrified that if I did he'd close off shielding his mind. Push me further away when I selfishly needed him, like I needed air.
Eventually I bought them up when Erik thought of sneaking away from me. To see whether it could aid him find the surface of the endless dark water. My fingers curled around his hand, my arm tightening around his figure as I ignored the sudden notice of the students. The other staff members.
“Charles...” He tried to hide the desperation in his voice, but his eyes betrayed him.
“Talk to me.”
He sighed then. “When? When did you know?”
“For as long as I've known you.” His figure tensed in my embrace and I waited. His thoughts merely cursing profanities before he wondered of my anger. “I'm not angry, with you. Just those that made you do this. At myself for not helping you better.”
“You have helped me Charles. More than I ever deserve.”
“Not well enough...” I paused then focusing on the connection of my powers. “You deserve so much more than you realise Erik.”
“No...” He hid his face from the view of the others. “I didn't want you to see them. Not because of trust or anything, but because I'm a killer. I've done things I'm not proud of and... Though I'm a monster I didn't want you to see how weak and pathetic I really am. I never wished for you to see the ugliest part.”
My tears fell then, his already soaking my shirt. He wanted me to see the monster but not the scared little boy underneath. I held him tighter. Closer. Yet Erik went on in his thoughts and I listened to every word. And when he was done I explained through my thoughts that I didn't care. That I loved him, and he was precious to me. Strong and beautiful. I knew Erik would say otherwise in the morning but for now he just gave up. I held him closer, watching him struggle against his fear to sleep.
Slipping into his mind I showed him the garden just outside. The starry night sky and the quiet music leaving him only in my arms. We danced slowly, dressed in suits. Not talking but enjoying the peace around us. It settled him closer to slumber. His breathing slowly evening out. “Love you Charles.”
“Love you too Erik.”
And then I followed him into slumber, still staying underneath the stars...
