I STILL WISH

CHAPTER 1

Hi I'm Anna. Anna Marshall, People often shaming my body because I was too skinny. I am 17 and I have anorexia. Anorexia is an eating disorder characterized by an abnormally low body weight, an intense fear of gaining weight and a distorted perception of weight.

Yes, as y'all read it I have a fear of gaining weight. I tried to eat foods but I suddenly vomit it. I try to lose weight by exercising excessively. No matter how much weight I lost, I still continues to fear weight gain.

I've got many problems in my life. My dad who left us when I was only 7 years old, my studies, my weight and the people who doesn't stop to shame my body. I was really down but my bestfriend is always there for me.

I have a bestfriend named Hazel. Hazel Waters, she's my bestfriend since we're in our mom's womb. My mother and hers are bestfriends since they're in Highschool. Hazel also got body shaming. She's over weight and eats a lot.

But me and my bestfriend stood up together and we tell ourselves that we shouldn't listen to the people shaming our body. But how much I tell myself that you don't need to listen to other people it is still not easy to do so.

One morning my mother confronted me and said "you need a therapy to help you with that disorder". I got disappointed because I think it is not helpful. I respectfully said to my mom that I don't need it and we will just waste money on that thing. But my mom kept resisting then contacted a therapist, I mean she's my mom I'll just go with the flow.

The next day it is Monday morning, obviously school stuffs again wherein I'm gonna deal with my studies and the people who doesn't leave me alone. People always body shame me when I was 15, they always bully me, Writing down papers saying "Im a zombie" "skinny skunk" and many more that they put in my locker and at my back.

To be honest, I'm really tired of what's happening in my life. I feel like I lived just to be insulted. I wish I can fight this disorder and be normal again, but how much I tried I can't.

I hope I have the confidence like Hazel, even if many people also shame her body she doesn't mind them and always love her flaws. Speaking of Hazel she also helps me to overcome my disorder, she always giving me a lot of foods. I really tried my best to eat it but I still puke them.

Hazel always encouraging me through words, actions and other things just to overcome them. I'm really thankful that I have a bestfriend who fully supports me and love me as she loves herself.

Then one evening I scroll over my social medias. I saw a lot of people that they're happy, it looks like that they don't have problems at all. Most importantly is they're complete family. I hope I could see my dad someday, I really miss him but I guess it is not possible to see him since he already got a new family. A happy one.

The next day is a school fair wherein there's no classes for a week. It is a fun week for students except me. I really hate crowded people. I have insights that they will stare and laugh at me. It feels like I am not belong to the people.

I usually don't go to our school fair because of my phobias. I usually hang out with hazel at my house or at her house. But now my mom said that I should go to my therapist this week to help me overcome this disorder. I always love my mom ever since my father left us she didn't give up on me and I feel safe when I'm around her.

The next day my mom take me to my therapist, as we go there I am surprised that there are also people who are same as my disorder. Some are even skinnier than me. But our ages are different some are 20 years old, some are 16, and many more.

As we spoke to my therapist, she said that I must stay here for a week to monitor me and also be friends with the people in here. I said yes and my mom immediately go home to pack my clothes and bring it back to me.

I was so nervous and my heart beats fast. Then suddenly the therapist ask me how long did my disorder started, I said about 2 years, then finally she introduced me to my room for a week. It is really nice and has a vintage type of vibe. I really liked it.

Later that evening, We gathered to the table to eat, at some point I still don't have friends because I was too shy. Then the therapist introduced me to the group and they welcome me and make me feel like im at home.

The therapist gave us the foods we must eat. I got bread and cheese I bite a little bit then suddenly puke it. Then she told me that I must try to eat it like a baby. I tried for a second time. I did what she said and I chew it almost a minute and surprisingly I didn't puke it.

After we finished the dinner, the therapist checked every room to spoke to them, give them treatments and many more. As my turn, she spoked to me about how proud she is when I didn't puke the food. She gave me treatments to take every morning, afternoon, and evening.

Then when she left, my mother arrived then handed me the stuffs I needed. She left fast because she got work. She's a nurse at a hospital, so she needed to go there at the right time. Then after all of that I take a shower, then go to my bed and thinking could I overcome this disorder?