One night in 2013, I read a Shamanic prayer before going to bed. It wasn't to invoke anything I just came across it while surfing through the net. Later, that nightI had a scary and weird dream. I saw a pack of wolf, we were on snowy grounds, the alpha came close to my face and told me to follow It and join the pack. The only thing that my Ego thought was 'I hate dogs, i do not want a life in the dirt. Nor did I want to be a wolf'.
It was so close to me, that I could feel and smell its canine breath, and see its tiny little saw like teeth. I refused to follow it.
I woke up, startled and shocked and thought its just a nightmare. For the next seven years, I constantly dreamt about dogs, dogs attacking me, dog pursuing me, dogs threatening me.... Am not a dog person, I thought its just some underlying fear of my subconscious.
Depression and anxiety hit. I became pregnant and gave birth to my daughter and post partum depression did not spare me. My mental health was in dire chaos, I wanted to die, I tried to die, I had no motivation, no will to live. I hated my daughter, my husband, I blamed them for my mental state.
My mind was just an abyss of chaos where light did not come at the end of the tunnel. My dark thoughts controlled me, anti anxiety pills and mood boosters gave short relief and numbed my feelings and emotions. That spiral maze was endless, I was falling and was not even near hitting the bottom. Everyday I woke up depressed I did not die through the night.
