Apathetic

Chapter 29

"Do you still think about owning your own bakery?" Lisa asked, flipping through one of the wedding magazines that littered our little home.

I looked up at her from over my own magazine before looking back down at it. "I don't know, why?"

"I was thinking we could start putting a business plan together."

"We have other things to do right now, like get married and graduate and things."

"Business plans take a long time to perfect. I'm just saying we could start throwing ideas around is all." She said, watching me carefully, but I pretended I didn't notice.

"Or we could start figuring out where everyone's going to sit." I suggested playfully as I flipped a page.

"Come on, we already talked about that one, people can sit where they want. At least change topics skillfully. Babe, I know you want this, I see it when we're in the kitchen together. Remember in our design class when Chef Pikar told us to design six deserts and then make them for our final? You were so happy that day, doing your own thing and not having to listen to a chef tell you what to do. You really got to show off those few days. So don't tell me you don't want to make up your own stuff every day." Lisa pulled the magazine from my hand and tossed it onto the floor. Cooper, who was across the room and sleeping on his bed, jumped and made a low woofing sound.

"Alright, yeah, of course I want a bakery, but it's not going to happen, that's something that's hard to get started and bakeries close a lot faster than restaurants. People can pay a few bucks for a shitty cake at the grocery store, in most people's mind we're overpriced and not worth their time. It's safer to work the dessert line in a restaurant."

I started to reach for another magazine, but Lisa placed a hand on top of mine to stop me. She entwined out fingers together and brought our hands to her mouth, gently kissing mine. "Jen, I know that the safe route makes the most sense, that's why it's safer. I know that you want to do the right thing and look for a job that you won't have to give up, I—"

"I want to do right by you is all, I want to make sure that we have enough money and can take care of each other and we never have to worry about bills." I rushed out.

She laughed a little and said, "Jennie, you realize that if you wanted to never worry about bills the culinary profession in general wasn't that great an idea."

"Yeah, well, maybe not worry as much." I mumbled.

"What I'm saying is that I know you're trying to do the right thing, and I'm sure part of it is about me, but it's not what I want and it's not what you want. Neither of us want you stuck in the back of some kitchen that you hate doing things you hate. I want you making ice cream and making Palmiers in your own kitchen. I want to see you smile when you wake up every morning."

I squeezed her hand. "I already do. I have you, you're reason enough to smile every morning."

"I can't be the only reason, I don't want to be the only reason you smile. Jennie, you want this, don't let anything get in your way."

I smiled weakly and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, like you do before jumping into cold water, which strangely is exactly what this felt like, and then I said, "Alright. We'll try it out."

Lisa squealed and clapped her hands. "Yes! Okay, now tell me, you must have it all planned out already. I wanna hear about it."

I wrung my hands. I had flipped back and forth for a long time, at one point I had thought about an Alice in Wonderland themed place, but none of them had measured up to my newest idea. This one had stuck the longest, and it was the one that I could really see myself in a few years from now. Out of all the other ones in my life, this was the one I wanted the most.