Begin Again || Nate Maloley

|| Chapter 1

You really think he would like someone like you, fatass?

Oh my God, if I looked like that, I would kill myself.

It was fun. I mean, the sex was great. I'm just...not...looking for a relationship right now.

The different voices of the past echoed in my head everytime I looked into a mirror or I was amongst a crowd of people that took the smallest glances at me. Even though I've lost the weight recently, I still feel like I'm...a whale. Perhaps my hair could be a little more bouncy and...my boobs could be a bit perkier without the help of an expensive bra. I'm 21 years old and I'm just now getting into makeup. And still...I keep it subtle.

"Liv," I heard my roommate & best friend Andrea shout from the other side of my bedroom door. "Come on, open up! Let me see your birthday outfit, girl!"

"Umm," I sighed. "Fine."

I opened the door and Andrea's initial excited look faded to a dull one.

"What is this?" She asked me.

"...An outfit," I answered.

Her eyebrows raise and she gives me that look she's been giving me for years. The look that asks do you think I'm stupid?

"You look like you're ready to go door-to-door selling holy books, not go to a club." She shook her head at me and entered my room, going straight to my closet. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"I wanted to just have cake, ice cream, & watch Netflix, honestly."

"No, Liv! You say you want a boyfriend, you want to be more comfortable with your new body, you want this, you want that. How do you expect to get any of this hiding yourself from the world?" She rummages through my closet, desperate to find something better for me to wear.

"I mean...that's half true."

"Nope. Nope. It's true or it's false. Pick- ooh! What about this?" She pulls out a black skirt with gold stripes along the sides with a fancy black tank top. "It'll go great with your boots. You know, besides that lumpy wool dress you're wearing. Who wears wool to a club anyway? You're gonna sweat to death."

She went on and on. The outfit she had chosen for me was the exact outfit I bought a year ago as a gift to myself for losing the weight I wanted to lose. I used to think slimming down would solve all my problems. But I still didn't feel beautiful. Then I discovered that being "in shape" never equated to being "beautiful". I still tug on my shirt every 5 minutes as a 10-year force of habit, making sure my shirts never cling to the rolls that aren't there anymore. I still buy long jeans instead of shorts and avoid crop tops because I still have my stretch marks. It seems like there isn't enough cocoa butter in the world to get rid of them.

"Put it on, put it on." Andrea shoves the clothes against my chest. "And hurry up! The Jacks are on their way."

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't tell me they were coming. Is Johnson bringing Sydney again?"

"I think so," she shrugged.

"Awesome. I've always wanted to be a fifth wheel on my 21st birthday." My smile was fake as I looked down at my clothes.

"You're not a 5th wheel, Liv. I'm not dating Gilinsky, like ever."

"At least you have that option if you wanted to. He's crazy about you."

Now Andrea was rolling her eyes. "He's not my type, just a friend. And if you want, I'll tell him to save a dance for you."

My heart nearly pounded out of my chest but I didn't show it. The truth is, I was head over heels for Jack Gilinsky. I was ready to have Andrea committed to the psych ward for not seeing what I see. But he never looked at me more than a friend.