Angel

XXIV

She put on her heels in a hurry. She knew she was late. She was conscious of it and tried to do things quickly but in the back of her mind she knew it didn't matter. She put her trench coat on and got into her car. She checked on her hair and makeup again in the rear view mirror before turning the engine on.
   She had done this ride a thousand times but that day felt different and she knew why. Every tree, every cloud, every bit of landscape had felt different for months, but today it was a whole new experience again. It didn't feel like before, but not like yesterday either. It felt weird but somehow she liked it, it didn't bother her no more.
   She would usually put some music on to make time seem shorter, not that she didn't enjoy driving, but humans are impatient people always needing to have their mind busy, and driving didn't keep her mind busy. But today she didn't feel like it. Though the ride was gonna be longer than usual she didn't care much, and she needed silence to take in every single thing that happened around her because she knew these moments would be rare.
   Time went by way faster than she expected and way too soon her car entered a small town, if not called village covered in dust and sand. It felt just as if she had come into another time. Everything seemed older than the rest of the world, as if this small city and its inhabitants had been stuck in time sixty years ago. She understood why this city as she saw it.
   She parked her car in front of a small coffee shop, one of the only shops open, one of the only things that proves this town was still alive. She brushed her hair with her hand and checked her face in the rear view mirror once more. She stayed in her car with her hand on the handle for a while, maybe too long, she didn't know. She finally took a big breath and stepped out of the vehicle. The street was desert. She looked around her as she walked towards the door.
   She pushed the wooden door and as she expected it, it creaked as it opened, just as old as the rest of the city. She entered the small shop and didn't need anytime at all to spot her in the sunlight persisting through the louver. Half light, half shadow. A perfect representation of her. Angelina knew that was how she was meant to see her after all this time.
   She walked straight to her, sitting in the chair in front of her without a word, but a smile on her lips. They stared at each other for too long, however just long enough for them. Angelina broke the stare and her smile increased.
   "It's nice to see you.
   - Oh please don't talk. This is perfect."
Angelina chuckled, planting her gaze back in Stefani's. She moved on her chair to sir more comfortably and talked again :
"I get why you liked this town so much.
- Oh I've never been here before. Just went through it once but never stayed. It stuck to me though, I remembered it as 'the place where nobody will find me'.
- No paparazzi anyways.
- Yeah that's it."
Stefani pushed a drink towards Angelina who seized it and took a few sips. The two women went back to staring in silence, filling themselves off each other's presence.
"I saw you're with this guy Michael is that right ?"
Stefani smiled as an answer. Angelina grinned at her happiness.
"Well listen I'm glad. You seem happy.
- I am, yes. The world is falling to pieces but I am.
- Yeah"
Angelina chuckled and marked a pause.
"The kids send their best.
- Oh that's nice of them, return that of course."
They both knew dialogue wasn't needed but they kept on talking anyways.
"You seem well. More... at peace somehow.
- I am. Seems like rushing wasn't the ideal thing to do.
- You were right. We shouldn't have fallen back into each other's arms this way.
- No I think it taught us a lesson. In the end we both end up happy, don't we ? Not together but still. I think we just needed closure to move on.
- Are we really gonna move on someday though ?
- Probably not. I'll still love you. You know that. But I'm not convinced we're good for each other.
- I don't believe we share the same kind of love anymore.
- No definitely not. You still have a place in my heart though.
- Of course I do."
Both of them laughed. It felt good to be around each other and not feel overwhelmed anymore.
"No I am joking about it but you know I love you.
- Yes."
Angelina's smile increased.
"I think we would be less happy if we had tried to make it work.
- Probably."
They had never stop fighting for each other, though it had become too hard and they both knew it was better to end it. So almost a year ago they had split up, going on their own path from that moment on and they had set a encounter on the anniversary of their meeting.
Angelina had thought about it for days, maybe weeks and she knew it wouldn't be anything like the last time Stefani went away. She felt ready to give up this part of her life to be happy again. Because Stefani used to be the source of her happiness but not anymore, all she felt around her was scare and worry, just blurred by love. It had taken her time to succeed in letting go, going against her desire, against what her heart was telling her, but she has succeeded. And when she finally spoke up, Stefani understood.
The rupture was natural, it didn't hurt any of them, knowing it was nothing about love, but everything about life, and living it. They knew they would see each other again and that they'd be a part of each other's lives forever. They had talked to the kids, once, so that they'd know the trauma was in the past, and they had gone separate ways.
Time didn't make their love for each other fade away, but it changed, for another kind of love that didn't make them choke anymore. It was different, they felt it, but there was no regret, and they knew it had to happen so that they could live close to each other still, but also could live another life with different people, peacefully.
"Do you think we loved each other too much ?
   - Yes, I mean there's not really any other explanation as to why we both got so hurt. Even you when you were the one mistaken.
   - Yeah, and...
   - We have talked about it. With a professional even. We couldn't figure things out.
   - Unfortunately we couldn't. You did love me enough to come back though.
   - As you said we loved each other too much. »
   Angelina smiled and took a sip of her drink.
   "I truly think we both needed closure. To put and end to the hurt. We made things clean. I feel like we both knew that's what it was gonna be.
   - How did we not collapse after we left each other ?
   - Stefani you knew you wouldn't. Because you knew it wasn't the end. Just an end to something. But not to the whole story. See ? We're together again.
   - Yes we are."
   Stefani smiled, and in this moment more than ever everything made sense.
   "We have to make this a regular thing.
   - We do."
   Both women chatted about mostly useless things for hours, just enjoying talking to each other as nothing has ever happened. This was the break they needed. They had had time to process everything and figure out which kind of relationship was good for them. They knew they'd always be a part of each other's life. This kind of understanding would stay forever, just a glittering in their eyes, they didn't need anything but tinder each other from time to time to fill up their own hear.
   "I love you.
   - I love you darling."
   They both smiled.