Finding relationships is easy... Keeping them is the real game.
That's what I'm learning in my first one. It's not easy. Our rival schools are an hour apart, my best friend's turning secretive, my parents are controlling, and my brother's still an a...
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This was one of, if not the most, uncomfortable conversations of my life.
I wanted no doubt between us, even at the expense of hashing through my past. The only decent thing I'd done was use protection and get tested after each time having sex, but that was a bare minimum. Admitting how selfish I was felt horrible, and I wished I'd been a better person, but I couldn't change anything now.
Ellie deserved to know I was clean, and while I didn't want to think about her with anyone else, I appreciated her asking as rapid-fire as possible. The problem was that all those pings pierced into me, building discomfort in me to the point of being unbearable. She held a straight face through her questions until I said Kendall's name.
Taking mediocre blow-jobs was a mutual-use mistake, but I understood her sour expression because I was pissed off at Kieran just for checking her out. Except I wasn't with Ellie back then. I didn't even know she existed, and I'd only had feelings for Chloe, but those arguments felt weak. So, I sat here. Sat and answered her questions, watching her react exactly as I feared—absorbing what I said and retreating into her head when she couldn't hear anymore.
Ellie's silent retreats were a hundred times worse than if she yelled. Yelling I could deal with. My parents yelled a lot before their divorce. In sports, motivational yelling was second nature.
I squirmed as the silence thickened, my heart pounding faster and pumping heat through me. What was she thinking? Her mind was whirring a mile a minute, I just knew. Was she disappointed? She was the last person I wanted to disappoint.
After a few quiet, deep breaths, her eyes opened. They were glossy-wet, and her lower lip wobbled, but she lifted her chin and stared into my eyes.
"How many times did you eat out a girl?"
"Fuck, Ellie..." Her sharp gaze dared me to upset her, but she couldn't have seen my answer coming. "None."
"None?" she echoed, blinking and softening her expression.
Except for the first two girls I'd slept with, who did all the work since I didn't know what I was doing, I'd only touched someone to make sure they were wet enough to take what I wanted.
"No," I said in a low voice, the truth gouging me. "No one."
Just when I couldn't feel like more of an asshole, she laughed. Not a true laugh or giggle, but a harsh, unforgiving sound. "S-sorry." She cupped her mouth.
"I know, it's bad."
She shook her head, blinking her hazy eyes as if trying to convince herself I'd told the truth. "If I understand...five one-night stands, nine blow jobs but two were the same person, and more sexy kissing and groping than people I know?"
What was this? She spoke like reading a grocery or homework assignment list. "Basically?"
"Wow, you're... you're less experienced than I'd expected." Her nose cringed and she added an extra slam, "For a football player."
