Voice file 003

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by RoadkilBBQ

by RoadkilBBQ

Hey, so it's been a while. I've been going through some shit recently, but I think I might be getting better. That's fucking bullshit, I know I'm not doing any better, but I've come to terms with the fact that I am a piece of shit asshole who doesn't deserve what I have. I have resumed some semblance of normal, clean, happy life.

I know no one will ever hear these but I just really miss her. I know I fucked it up. I could have just talked to her. But I broke up with her and now she doesn't come to school anymore. I'm fucking scared. Every time I am meant to picture someone she pops into my head. That dumb, dumb girl. She wasn't what I wanted, I wasn't what she needed.

It's going to be Christmas soon. Today is December 17th. 2020 is com ih ng to a close, isn't that neat? I hope it gets better in the new year, the vaccines will be distributed and all will be well. I'm sure that I'll be fine.

I'm mad at the internet. I want to know the best pills to take to.. uh-.. but they direct me to the suicide hotline and that's not what I need.

Chechi wanted to threaten me to inpatient care when she found out abt me wanting to kill mom. Ive been trying to be better for her and I think I have been. I still wanna throw up around her.

I wish I had the freedom to shut down but I have responsibilities. I need to get these things done.

I'm pretty sure Xxnixx has done drugs and I'm just a little pissed that she didn't tell me or offer me some. I want to try it.

Is it telling that the most intrresting thjng in my room is my Campbell's condensed tomato soup poster? Yeah.

Self-diagnosing is bad. I just can't focus and I'm not gonna tell my mom and it's not going to affect me in the long rjn because I won't be around much longer.

Is there anything I'm good at? Even decent at? I'm good at reading fanfics and making good pinterest boards. Those won't get me anywhere.

In this time in my life, the best things are citrusy things of any kind and fanfic. Also simping over people who are 2 years older than me who live in Illinois who I though liked me back but apparently it was friendly flirting so I guess I didn't pick up on that.

Chechi said she'd hit me if I said pog.

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I am poly, non-binary, and bisexual leaning towards feminin presenting people. Just a reminder. Who am I even reminding? This is dumb.

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