Run Into You

20

"Are you sure about this?"

I stared at the clothes folded cleanly inside my luggage. My closet was almost empty because of how big it is. Looks like I will never come back. Will I?

"Yes, I wanted to be alone." I answered while closing my bag.

"what I mean is, are you sure that you and jungkook will end up like this? First break up, you just ran and didn't let him explain, and recently you just pushed him away. Have you ever tried asking about how he feels? How is he? How was his life? It's not always about you Eunbi, he's hurting too. "

Realization sank in. Yeah, from the start, he's always asking about me, I never tried asking him, about his problems, about his family, I didn't even meet his family or even talk to them.

Wow, how can I love a man even without knowing his background? Tss.

"I'm not siding with him, if you're thinking that way. I'm just saying that maybe you should talk? To clear things out? To let go? If you wanted to let go, then talk with him, know his reasons but it's up to you if you'll believe him." she added and shrugged.

It's been weeks since we last saw each other, the issues about him and the mystery girl die down, slowly. But still, some fans were still coming in front of this building just to see me. I didn't do anything, like clear things and explain to them, but his company did after that heated conversation between us.

Some fans didn't believe the company's explanation, because they know he's my ex. It's really suspicious that you're holding hands while running, and you're not just strangers, you're exes. Tss. Who will think innocently of that?

After closing my luggage, I sat on my bed and stared at my phone. Should I talk to him?

Maybe yewon is right. I'm still holding in the past because I wanted to know the reasons why did he do that? Did he love me?  Did he cheat on me? Did he mean what he said on his graduation day?

Or maybe, I really love him that I'm still carrying this feelings for the whole 4 years.

I took a deep breathe before typing a message to his number. I didn't save it, but base on he message it's him. It's the number that he used to text me when the issue exploded.

To: unknown number

Let's talk.

My brows furrowed when I read my message. It's sounds demanding. After pushing him away, I'll just message him that we need to talk? Tss. I deleted what I just typed.

Hi, do you have a minute?

It's fine right? No. I erased it again.

Hi , it's Eunbi and I want to talk to you. Can you lend me a time?

It sounds formal right? Right? Arrgh! Fine.

I closed my eyes and hit the send button. I peeked on the screen using my left eye. And it was sent.

I took a deep breathe before walking out to the veranda. I closed my eyes and feel the cold wind blowing to my fair skin.

I never thought that this will happen to me. All of this will happen to me. I lost my mom, I lost my dream, I've been hurt emotionally, or even mentally. I'm over thinking things, and kept it to myself. Those are my fault right? Being cheated was also my fault. If I've given  my time for him, if I treat him as my boyfriend, maybe he didn't cheat. I should stop blaming it all to him.

I lived my 4 whole years blaming myself, or blaming someone else. I lived full of regrets. I thought I already accepted it all, but it turns out I'm just convincing myself. Convincing myself that I'm okay, that I'm happy and contented but I'm really not.