I have to write this down so I won't forget. Anyway, I must have had a strange vision or a strong lucid dream a couple nights ago. Maybe December 17 or 18, 2020. I was drifting to sleep. I think I was thinking about something, but I'm unsure.
Anyway, I felt a sudden pain I never felt before. In my neck. And it was a pain that was slowly sliding across my left into my right. My throat tendons felt the pressure, and I think so did my vocal cord too. I say "I think" though mostly because of the fact that I don't completely remember how the sensation felt. It ended fast and I drifted to sleep.
Now, it could be anything. Maybe a religious thing, an omen. Maybe an imprint of some supernatural creature. Or an awakening of my own mind.
Hopefully it's something more logical. I hope it was a hallucination. I pray I was just imagining it. I don't remember being all that deep into my sleep. I was alert, I think. Wasn't I?
A couple weeks prior, I bought a blood- ore ring. A fragile, polished stone ring that is said to be imbued with magic energy. First of all, I had thought this was okay. Maybe this is. Maybe, if my vision of pain was a spiritual disturbance, I caused my own mental demons with my own pre-existing dilemmas and thoughts. I had always questioned my faith and tended to view my Christian God with fear due to my non-commitment. After all, why would he protect me if I'm hesitant to trust him completely?
I've been stressing about religious things for a while now and I did not like the fact that some thing had envisioned a sensation at my throat. I think I genuinely felt a sense of panick, as if I couldn't breathe. Then again, I don't remember what is real or what I have made up.
I have been told that voodoo is black magic. I have also been told that magick is inherently bad. From its sources, from the website to where I bought my cherished ring, it says that magic is a spiritual practice that accommodates belief systems. I believed that version. Truly, it couldn't have been the fault of my desires. Maybe someone is just upset with me.
Is it just my guilt? Or my imagination? Did I pretend it happened? I know for a fact that I felt a strong pain that night. I really wish I could remember all that happened. I should've written this down back then. It's crazy, and I don't believe it. Something like that, happening to me specifically.
I didn't know I was that stressed, if I was. Now it could be listed as anything due to my horrible memory. I want to find out what it was. It could be anything and I'm troubled by it. Did an angel mark me? I pray it isn't something demonic. I hope it was just the trick of my own mind. Maybe it was a premonition? I never had visions before if it was the case. No reasons for visions to start now.
I bought something else from the Voodoo shop. A voodoo doll this time, a couple of days ago. Now, I have a bad memory. I swear, I might be undiagnosed possibly. Maybe I had that painful neck slashing days before I bought my second voodoo item. Maybe after? Either way, I'm still waiting for my voodoo doll. It's worth ninety-seven dollars, and I paid a shipping task of eleven or twenty-two dollars extra. Thank god I had a ten dollar discount from my last purchase.
I have to get to work soon, so I should probably wrap this up.
Anyway, I'm still looking forward to that voodoo doll. It's said to change my physical body. I probably didn't need it, because my ring was said to do the exact same thing the doll is supposed to do. After three complete moon cycles, maybe three weeks, I'll be bigger. But I couldn't help myself. I bought myself a second magical item. This change is an obsession of mine. Maybe it's the cause of my perceived damnation.
If my God is listening, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry for straying from you, for not treating you like a person, but instead as a noble pedestal that I was too unholy to touch or embrace or to even look at. I'm sorry for ending up skeptical of you. I'm sorry for only praying to you only, and only when, when I became scared of the dark. You are not magic if I don't respect you. But I'm glad you're known as very forgiving. Because even still, I still don't feel ready to believe strongly in you yet. I don't know anything.
Was it a dream? Spiritual things don't usual occur to me, and if it was, that's crazy. Thanks for listening to my story. It's eight now, I should shower. I procrastinated all night and I look and feel ugly. I'm so stupid sometimes. Let me know what y'all think. P.s. I spent thirty to forty minutes typing about this.
And also, this is not a declaration against my faith. I love you God. I truly am sorry. We need to have a chat soon. I'm stupid for trying to appear like you're a cold-hearted thing. I just don't understand, and I might never will.
