We lived pretty close to each other, so I would usually go to his house after school, we'd study and then I'd head home. I couldn't help but stare at him the entire drive. His smile was infectious and I forgot about volleyball quickly. I think he even forgot about his troubles for a while. The suburb outside seemed brighter than usual as the sun begun to set, the clouds were separated just enough to spread the pastel pink of the sunset throughout the sky. It was a beautiful sight to behold, the low houses brightly lit in a soft pink which highlighted the trees in the horizon. But I couldn't focus on that. Only his smile.
As we pulled up in the driveway of his old Victorian home, I couldn't help but notice its beauty. His grandma always tended to the front garden, and still, despite her being in bed rest, it looked amazing. From the driveway, you walked straight onto the porch and into the door. But, entering from the front you travelled through a stone footpath, around a glorious lion-head fountain surrounded by neatly trimmed shrubs and bushes, with the prettiest flowers of all colors bursting through. We walked through the big red wooden door into the house and the inside was just as marvelous as the exterior. The walls were an off-white color, which was bright but also soft on the eyes and was a perfect contrast to the cool brown walnut hardwood floors. It seemed like a mansion, the high walls, the antique furniture, and archways.
We walked through the hallway, the walls now plastered with pictures of Josh and his family. I loved walking down that hallway. I knew Josh from very young, but seeing the pictures always brought back old memories. Memories of a more innocent time, when we had nothing to worry about and brought about a piece in my soul.
As we entered his room, it was like a different house. The walls were painted from top to bottom in a soft ocean blue; Josh loved the ocean and wanted his room to resemble that. On one wall, the one you saw as you walked in, he had posters of famous surfboarders and beautiful beaches where he wanted to go. It used to be larger, but a couple of years ago he went travelling with his Grandma and took down the beaches he visited. On the wall to the left, above his bed, he had pictures of famous footballers that he loved. I never really got football, I mean why is it called football when you basically just throw and run with the ball in your hands? But he loved it and was so passionate about it that I kept up to date with everything so he could have some conversations about it with someone. To the right was his desk, which stood out like a sore thumb with its orange color. It never quite fit, but interior design was never Josh's strength.
We walked straight through, I set up at his desk and he set up on his bed, by habit. First day back, there wasn't much to do, we mostly organized our schedules for the term. That took about five minutes and we were about to get a head start on our English papers when the bell rang. It was a loud shrill which used to make me jump, but I had grown used to. Josh and I both left the room, he went to check who was at the door and I went to greet Grandma Olivia in her room, that was just past the front door. He opened the door before I even got a chance to knock.
"Hey" I heard a soft, almost angelic voice come from the door.
"What are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you... I mean I'm thrilled! Come in" Josh responds, some shock in his voice but a sense of relief.
"I think we should talk." The angelic voice continued, serious as if delivering grave news.
Josh guided the visitor to his room, but she spotted me. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I recognized the voice immediately, Ashleigh, Josh's girlfriend. We had always been friends, but she never really spoke to me about important stuff, more like that classmate who you talked to during class, never really getting to the important stuff.
"Hey, how are you?" She spoke to me this time.
"I'm good, I was just about to head out actually. How are you? Let me just grab my stuff" I responded quickly.
"Yeah, I'm good she said." Her voice told me it was an automated response, and the fact that I knew about her home life assured me that she didn't mean it.
As I walked past Josh to get my stuff out of his room, he shot me a look. HIs ocean eyes seemed deep, as if he was in trouble. I didn't know how their conversation was going to go, but something told me that he'd need me when she left, whether it was good or bad. I looked back at him, trying to tell him I would always be there for him no matter what and hoped he could see the empathy in my eyes. I could feel his heart stop, weird as it was, but everything that was going through his head was going through mine. I collected my stuff, flashed him an apologetic look and headed out.
I knocked passed Ashleigh on my way out, and, by pure chance, I saw the back of her neck, someplace usually covered by her shirt, all purple. I didn't know why, and I couldn't ask what happened, I was too busy trying to get out and let them sort themselves out.
...
Hours passed before he called me. I had been waiting at my phone since I got home, waiting to see whether Josh's life would take a tumble for the worse, or maybe improve. I hoped that I would hear the best, but knowing the general patterns of life, I could only expect the worse for Josh. At 10:17 he called me. And I picked up almost immediately.
"Hey" He said over the phone, his tone not giving anything away.
"Hey" I responded sheepishly, too scared to ask, hoping he would just tell me.
"So, you sprinted out earlier... I mean I get why but I kinda needed you there" he continued.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just thought you needed some time for yourselves. You told me you wanted some alone time and I just thought I should help... I'm sorry" I apologized profusely.
"I was just trying to lighten up the mood. Ashleigh and I are fine now, we spent some time, mostly hung out. She talked to me. Finally." He chuckled.
"I'm so glad!" I blurted, knowing that it would take a heap off his shoulders, one less problem for him to worry.
"Yeah... I love her. But, after she talked to me about the divorce, she told me some stuff. I can't really tell you what, it's her secret. But it's also stuff I don't know how to deal with." His voice drifted, losing himself in thought.
"Oh." Really, that's all I could muster?
"Yeah. What did you do when you got home?" He asked, trying to change the subject.
"Not much. Just procrastinated. You know I can't do anything without you keeping me in check." I said, hoping this soft compliment might go a long way. I knew it wouldn't but hope never hurt anyone.
We continued like that for a while. I understood he couldn't tell me what was happening with Ashleigh, but it really seemed to weigh him down. I wished there was something I could do to help. My insides were slowly burning with the desire to fix this for him. I would literally die for him, but it was killing me being helpless. Just past midnight, or maybe a bit later, I lost track, we said goodnight and I curled up under my covers, feeling the warmth on my skin, laying my head on my threadbare but soft pillow, trying to feel the warmth of the surface inside me. But, I just lay there for a while, stuck with my thoughts, staring at the ceiling in my now pitch-black room. The absence of light usually made me fall asleep quickly, but my previous joy from the car ride had faded.
At the start, all I could think about was Josh, he was plaguing my mind all day. The anger built up inside me, he was such a good person but he was going through too much. It was just so unfair. Then my thoughts switched to my life; school, sport, my future. I tried to stop thinking all together but my mind wouldn't allow me any peace. I turned on my laptop, which was situated on my right-hand side bedside table and put on some sitcom. The white noise from this was supposed to help me sleep. I stopped thinking in that moment, focused on the show I was watching. The brightness from the laptop annoyed me at first, but it must have been fine because I fell asleep before I knew it.
I awoke, my heart racing, beating out of my chest. Thoughts raced across my mind, about Josh, about volleyball, about family, about school - School. I quickly checked the time, worried I had slept in. But to my relief, or perhaps disappointment, it was 5. It was too early, school didn't start until 8 and I didn't need to get up til 7 (I could get ready fast), but I knew I wouldn't fall asleep again. So, I sat there, in my still dark room, staring at the ceiling, trying to keep my mind blank. Then I received a text, from the only person who would matter at such a time: Josh.
It simply said: "He's out"
