Pussyboy

Desmond

As I stared at nothing in particular, I looked – felt that I did look like a mess. A hot mess. A hot mess that wasn't even hot anymore.

The sun has set now.

I was just here in the bedroom. Jackie'd be here any moment now. He always walked home from school. PS 093 was just a block away anyway. And poor people don't get mugged, only idiots who look like money do.

I hope Liam gets mugged.

That asshole.

He's been playing me all along. Zayn was in it. Jackie's affected by it.

I ran my hands up my face.

This was so frustrating. This was all so frustrating.

I can't even catch a fuckin' break.

I'm a lone parent.

I'm a mess from the day I was born.

I never really moved up the social mobility shit fuck, it all just got worse.

How do I even get the fuck out of this?

"Dad?"

Jackie's home. He might be thinkin' that it was weird that I was home or somethin'.

Why did that kid look like me?

He looked like me. And I hated that he did.

I'm afraid he was gonna make the same mistakes as me. He was gonna be me somehow. He was gonna beat me somehow. I hate my life.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

I needed to get my shit together.

"Yeah?"

I stood up. I didn't face him. He's probably at the door. Probably knows that his dad's all fucked again. Fucked as in somethin's wrong with me, not – you know – sexually.

"Did you need somethin'?"

He didn't answer right away. I guess he knows.

"When are we having dinner?"

I ignored it.

"Did you have a good day in school today?"

I walked passed him. He followed me with his eyes. I was putting unwarranted bullshit on my kid. I knew it. I just couldn't help it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I reached the kitchen. Zayn wasn't here yet.

Was he busy guarding Liam's ass? Did he rat his ass out to the mob or somethin'? I don't know.

But I want him to fuck him like he's never been fucked before.

I bent down our freezer. We had beans, some green peas, mash taters and some bullshit stew that could've been somethin' else a few days before. There's eggs here too and something I don't wanna know.

I really needed to go grocery shopping.

Louis.

That name suddenly popped on my mind.

That twink fuck knows somethin' about this. He gave me that contract.

In my bull delirium, I panicked myself out and forgot that contract. Why do I always get my emotions get ahead of me?

Probablt because I'm an Aries or somethin'. I don't know.

He might know somethin'. And judging from Liam's appearance then, he does. He only contacted me for a fuck because he needed to meet me and show me that shit. If I was guessing, he's the accountant in all this or some fancy schmuck titled kid in here somewhere.