Caged

27

I stayed in my bed all day with the covers draped over my head. The blanket was something safe; something that made me feel like I was protected and no one could get to me ever again.

The darkness of my room made me feel sheltered, but the terror and shock never left. It stayed inside of me, building up every moment, and it left me paralyzed. It shut my voice off. I wanted to hide some place where I would be safe forever.

Somewhere dark and lonely because I was beginning to realize that anyone could hurt you.

I was better off alone.

I had to eventually go back to school. A total of seven people asked me if I was alright. I wasn't, but I didn't tell them that. Mia and Sebastian didn't believe me, and I had to look away every time I met their concerned eyes. One teacher pulled me aside too.

That night and every night after, Caleb and Kaiden never left my side. Ethan had grown distant again, but I caught him lingering sometimes when I was alone.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, I felt like a ghost at school. I did everything possible to make myself invisible, and it worked. I was thankful that at least something went my way when I felt like everything else was slipping out of my hands.

The nightmares changed every night.

On Thursday, there was a knock at my door and Elijah called out for me.

I cowered in the silence of my room. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Pathetic. I felt so pathetic.

I felt like a coward. Was I one? What was I supposed to do now? I didn't have anywhere else to go.

Was I supposed to ignore what I'd seen and continue on living? Was I supposed to pretend that everything was okay?

He eventually walked away without much effort.

Other days, I began to wonder if I deserved it.

The thought crept into the back of my mind at times when it was too quiet. It never truly left.

I shouldn't have been looking through his stuff. He'd made that clear to all of us since the start. So, maybe I did deserve it. Why did I have to go looking around places I knew I shouldn't have been in?

I just didn't know. I didn't know anything anymore.

I still wondered if I'd imagined what happened. I wondered if I'd wake up from this nightmare that made me realize how you don't really know anyone around you. Even if you spend your entire life with them. Even if they took care of you for years, and you trusted them with your life.

Even if they were supposed to be the ones to protect you from the exact same people who could hurt you like they did.

On Saturday, I broke down in the silence of my room, and fell asleep praying that there was a way for my mom to come back, so she could hold me like she always would and tell me that everything was going to be okay.

Mom would never let this happen. My dad would have killed him with his bare hands if he were here. Sophia would help him.

It was strange how everything you knew about a person who meant so much to you could fall apart in a matter of seconds.

How sometimes, it was the people you loved the most in the world who hurt you.

I just hated myself for never realizing it before.

***

It was Saturday morning when someone knocked at my bedroom door.