тнιѕ ιѕ noт love {discontinued}

Chapter 3: Feelings aren't my thing, right?

Diner 5:30 PM

"I didn't think you would like to eat at these places. You would prefer somewhere more quiet and less messier. I am surprised." Travis looks at the mess on my plate then at my face, I had burger juice dripping from my hands.

"What are you trying to say? It isn't a date, I'm not here to impress you and I don't mind eating places like these. I enjoy burgers and milkshake just so you know." I continue to munch on my burger and fries, then take a sip of my beverage.

"How feminine.You got a little ketchup on your lips.. Are you doing that on purpose?" His thumb brushed against the side of my lips to wipe the excess sauce.

"Don't do that, that's disgusting and weird." I grab my napkins and wipe my mouth out of hesitation and nervousness.

"Bon appetit. Check is on me." He makes a sexy laugh.

I stare at Travis. I stare at his jawline to his neck, his adamsapple. His brown chestnut hair, how it is toussled and thick eyebrows and perfectly bridged nose. Lips are plump, but not in a girly way. He is a very attractive guy, why does he even like a girl like me? Or if I wonder if he's just playing around still, I can't tell.

"Are you done staring at me? You know you can just ask me out here and now if you want." He clicks his tongue and acts innocent.

"As if I would, hurry up and call the tab. I want to go home, it's getting late you punk." I gesture a friendly punch and smile inside.

As we exit the diner, I extend my arms out in the air and inhale deeply. We walk alongside through the streets of the city to pass time. Several times Travis tried to put him arms around me and I would kick him away, but this hangout wasn't too bad. Sooner or later, he was walking me home and we reached the park. Here we are together again in the same place. He stopped in his tracks and grabbed my hands without warning.

"I'm cold, hold my hands." He clutched onto mines tightly and I tried to yank away, but efforts were useless.

"Don't be a baby, put them in your pockets then. Don't get this situation wrong, we aren't on a date." I scoffed and wiggled my fingers out of his.

"Oh alright! Don't be so heartless to someone who's showing their affection for you." Travis lets go of my hand completely and held me by my shoulders. His hair is messy from the wind and his eyes are concealed until he looks me straight in the face. Goosebumps are all over my skin and my fist curls from the tension I feel between us. He leans in closer and I stand frozen, not knowing what to do. I turn my head to lessen the awkwardness.

"Look at me, why are you looking away?" He whispers in my ear, sending chills down my spine.

"W-what? I don't want to look at your face." I stutter a bit.

"Or is it you can't? You fell for me already?" He gently touch my chin and turnt it back face to face.

"I don't like you that way, I already told you." I put my hand on his chest, trying to push him away effortlessly.

"You're going to have to tried harder than that to stop me. I really like you though and I know you feel the same Michelle." Travis charmingly smiles and pecks me on the cheek.

"I...." I stop talking and silently gaze at Travis. He's actually really attractive, though I wonder what it is about him honestly. I really got to get back on my meds or else I am going to go further insane.

"That's as far as I go, sorry. Let's get you home before you get in trouble and we can stop by Felix's Store if you need anything."

"No need, I'll lead the way there. But one, don't stalk me. Two, do not tell anyone where I live or you're dead meat. Foreals."

"Yes, of course. I will let the whole world know or I might just keep you to myself you know? Hm, which one sounds better?" He looks so serious that I smacked him on the head. I walked on ahead and he crouches down rubbing his head while I giggled a bit.

Home 10:30 PM

I closed the front door quietly behind me and exhale a short breath. I think about what happened tonight. We shared laughter, interests, weird conversations, and most of all, warmth. I feel it once again, but I'm not sure whether I can take love seriously. It's not something I'm good with and I know that.

I threw myself on my bed and laid there for couple minutes. It feels nice to finallynrelax and fall asleep to the silence in my room. I had no trouble that night sleeping and my insomnia didn't bother me at all. I slept so peaceful and relaxed in many months. I was truly happy.

School 8:00 AM

"Can you always stop spacing out now Michelle?! Where have you been?! You don't even text me anymore!" Lana whines and hugs me.

"I'm sorry. Things. Travis." Crap did I just let that slip out, I hope I did not dig myself a hole. Crap. Crap. Crap.

"Travis? OHHHHH I SEE. You like him don't you? I had dibs first no fair! But it's rare that you have interest in somebody, I'm excited! Go for it! I got your back for sure! Hehehe." Lana goes all out and supportive, she rants on about the next step in the relationship. But I block her out and don't mind her anymore.

"Knock knock, is there a joli oiseau (pretty bird) here? I'm here to take it home." Travis sweet gesture captures the attention of most the girls and they all flock to him. And of course Lana did too since she's a sucker for guys.

Girls surrounded Travis and I wasn't going to help his ass. But they sure were bugging me with their stupid compliments on him and eveyrthing.

"Ah who are you handsome?! Never seen him around here. Whoa, he's hot. Isn't he that French transfer? Oh my gosh, I never been to France! Those hazel eyes are beautiful and his eyelashes! What soft hair he has."

"Oh gosh, pardon me dames. I am here for a certain person, I hope you don't mind. We can chat another day, perhaps?" He makes his way towards me and smiles brightly.

I ducked my head and pretend to not notice him, but he crouches down and meets me at eye level. I become flustered and turn my head the other way, humming to myself to avoid starting the conversation.

"Finally I found you. Did you sleep good last night?" Travis places his hand on my hair and caresses it.

"Uh... sure.. Don't touch me, do I need to tell you this again? I don't want people to get the wrong idea." I frown and shake my head.

"That's not what you were saying last ni-"
I got surprised and covered his mouth, making a shh sound to him.

"God, why are you so..." I envisioned slapping him across the face in my head. He grabbed my hands away and held them. Travis shook his head to the right, making his bangs swift beautifully.

"Why am I so attractive? Beau?(handsome?)" He winks and licks his lips to tease me.

"No. You're neither (URGH that's such a lie and you know it...)! You look like un poisson (a fish)." I chucked to myself and took both my hands out of his.

"Hahaha.. I know you aren't serious, so I am not going to be hurt by those words." Travis sits down next to me and stares at me for a few minutes. Suddenly he grabs my hand and runs quickly down the hall to the empty courtyard.

"Huff huff. Where are you doing?! Are you crazy?!" I grew furious and yanked away from his grasp.

"Yes.. I'm crazy for you." He lunges toward me and softly holds my face with both of his hands, his eyes burn into mines with passion. They showed the desire and lust to kiss me, yet they are hesitating to not force anything.

My face flushed pink out of embarrassment of wanting to kiss Travis, yet I was so angry. Why is that? I leaned forward to kiss him and it was the strongest connection I ever felt towards him. He wouldn't stop and became even more forceful with his lips and tongue playing with mines. But that wasn't the problem right now. It was me. I was trapped in his cage and he isn't planning to let me out. Is this the feeling of love people like to have?