Beomgyu's Reasons Why [ BeomJun/ YeonGyu / TaeGyu ]

TAPE 3, Side A

"You're already the batch valedict, what are you so worried about?" Hongjoong asked, his feet on the table as he leaned on the backrest of a swivel chair.  Taehyun had found Hongjoong in a random classroom, holding a meeting with the higher-ups of the ZEETA members.

Taehyun waited until the meeting ended for him to talk about his concerns with the leader. 

"I'm the what?" Frankly, Taehyun has forgotten about his conversation with Namjoon the other day. 

"You told us you were scared Chae would take your spot--"

"... I was. What did you do?" Taehyun asked, concern lacing his voice. After all, ZEETA was infamous for doing dangerous, illegal, and questionable things to have their way.

Hongjoong chuckled, "Nothing too bad. Rest assured, Tae, your spot is secured. It was also the easier option for us. We wouldn't have to use money if the school itself would support you. Besides, you deserve the title."

-

Lunch time. Taehyun was eating with Soobin a few tables away from the ZEETA's table. Nowadays, Taehyun has lost his focus, it was hard for him to listen to his teacher's lessons, and it was also hard for him to focus on eating. 

"Tyun? You okay? Your food's gonna get cold," he heard Soobin say, but Taehyun was too preoccupied surveying the cafeteria with his eyes, until he found who he was looking for. 

Choi Yeonjun. The one Beomgyu loved so dearly, the one Taehyun wished hadn't hurt him. Maybe Beomgyu would still be alive if he hadn't done what he did. Bold of Taehyun to blame everything on Yeonjun's actions when he himself was the gush of wind that caused a landslide.

"Is it just me or are you glaring daggers at Choi Yeonjun?" Soobin's voice snapped Taehyun back to reality.

"Oh, I am?" 

"Yes. Is there something you're not telling me, Taehyun?"

"Nothing," Taehyun averted his gaze, "I was just... going through the reviewer in my head. Exams later, remember?"

-

"Is there something you're not telling me?" He and Beomgyu were in the library. The place Beomgyu was always seen in, and the place Taehyun loved going to, just to see Beomgyu.

They've just been friends for a few weeks, but the both of them were already inseparable. 

Beomgyu has noticed that Taehyun has been so out of himself.

"Is it about ZEETA?" Beomgyu proceeded to ask when Taehyun didn't reply.

"No," Taehyun lied, "It's not about them. Just... carry on. I'm all right, don't worry."

Beomgyu was worried. Was Taehyun being like this because he's finally realized how someone like himself and Taehyun don't mix? Has he found new friends? 

No. It was none of those. Taehyun was thinking about Beomgyu. About how he could possibly... like Beomgyu as more of a friend. It's just that, Taehyun has never met anyone like Beomgyu before. He was such a pure soul, with a perfect life... well, aside from the part where he had no friends, but Beomgyu told Taehyun that he chose being alone. 

As Beomgyu's eyes full of concentration scanned through his book, Taehyun felt his heart jump.

Could he... do it to someone as kindhearted as Beomgyu? Could he do it to someone he cared for?  

Well, if he was considering Beomgyu as the best option he could use for his initiation, then could he even count as someone who cared for Beomgyu?

-

Yeah, Taehyun was no match for Yeonjun. He blew it with Beomgyu after that night at the party, he shouldn't feel this, shouldn't be giving Yeonjun a green eye for treating Beomgyu better than he did. Was Taehyun... jealous of Yeonjun? Why was he feeling these things, it's too late for all of this. Too late to be thinking about what could have happened if Taehyun never destroyed Beomgyu's trust and his reputation.

-

"I'm sorry, hyung," Taehyun said that same day in the library. 

"What?"

"Hyung... someday I will do something... not good..." Taehyun could laugh at himself, for an honor student like him, he sure was shitty at expressing himself.

"You're not making any sense."

"If I hurt you someday, I'm sorry. I know I will..." Of course Taehyun will. Soon. Not someday, next week, at the party.

Beomgyu stood up and walked over to where Taehyun was seated, plopping himself down on the couch and wrapping his arms around Taehyun.

"You won't. You can't possibly do anything that would be so bad."

"I... I will..."

"Why are you talking like that, Taehyun?"

"Will you ever forgive me if I do something so bad that would make you hate me?" Taehyun looked into Beomgyu's confused eyes.

"Taehyun-ah, you're scaring me. Did you get enough sleep last night?"

Taehyun looked away.

-

And ever since Taehyun made that choice, he could never bring himself to look at Beomgyu the same way again.

-

Taehyun came home to his mother alone in the house. His father has left. Never to come back, hopefully. 

His mother noticed him entering and gestured for Taehyun to sit beside her while a random drama played on their television.

"Did you know?" His mother asked as Taehyun pulled her close. His mother's shoulders quivered as she kept sniffling.

"Yeah. For quite a while..."

"Why didn't you tell me he was seeing someone else?"

"I couldn't find the strength in me to do it." My dad would tell you about the sins I've done, Eomma. I don't want to be a problem.

The actors in the television were quarrelling. Something about love and how complicated it was. How fitting, considering the circumstances.

-

"Yeonjun hyung... do you remember Hwang Hyunjin? Of course you do... he would always be right outside TDC, with his black leather jacket looking all punk.  I don't understand why our schoomates fawn over him-- he doesn't even study here. 

Such a waste of his life... he chose being a delinquent rather than have a popular life. But hey, who am i to judge? My life was a waste too, wasn't it? Everyone once thought Hyunjin didn't care about anyone... well, he did. He cared for his sister.

Even when his sister hated his guts.

And that is who this tape is about, hyung. 

The thing is, I also cared for his sister. Just... not in the way he thought.

I was so stupid for thinking that she would defend me. I thought she would at least explain to her brother that it was only a misunderstanding.

But maybe she saw it as a way to finally get away from me. She didn't pass up on the chance to avoid me for good.

I thought she was an angel who came to save me after you began avoiding me for some reason I couldn't place, hyung.

I thought she was the one true friend who could fix me up after Taehyun.

I thought wrong.

She was no better than the books she loved reading. 

Hwang Yeji is was the book I judged too soon, too soon for me to figure out she was nothing like the cover she plastered on herself."